Trump Paying of Supreme Court Justices

 Look under their beds for suitcases full of cash.

Trump in Gaza Selling Classified Documents

The art of the deal. 

Oklahoma to Keep Trump Underwear as Relic

 

Oklahoma to spend millions on a shrine to house a pair of Trump's underwear.  It is believed that Trump prayed in the underwear and millions were healed.  (Trump made a nice profit from the prayer)  Its a win win!

Trump Wrote the Bible

 He has replaced Jesus and has fulfilled the promise of the Rapture. He is also a good writer.

J D Vance watches Cat Porno

 He does not message in cat porn forums though, which is to his credit.

Trump to Build Resort in Area 51

 The resort will become a favorite for Evangelicals waiting for the Rapture.  Rapture UFO's will arrive and transport the saved out of the atmosphere where they will be pushed out of the UOs and into the hands of God.

Trump Will Become First Nude President

 Yes.  As savior, he will say that the Rapture demands his nudity.  Christians will also shed their clothes.  This could get ugly.  Brace yourself if you are not an Evangelical.