Trump's Imported Beef is in Mar-a-Lago

 It's rotting next to all the top secret files he's stealing.

Hegseth's Staff Shot Up Historic Globe

 thinking it contained smuggled fentanyl from a country that didn't produce fentanyl.

Putin Has Photos and Video of Trump!!

 What's Trump doing?  He's not just eating  Big Macs.

White House to Expand Meth Lab

 The renovations will include an up-to-date meth lab to keep top officials energized for their busy schedules.  There will be new diaper changing stations as well.

The Stain on Norway (Number two)

 It's in Trump's diapers.

New Execution Method in Tennessee

 They will run over the sentence with steamrollers.  Then they can roll them up and bury them or sell slices in Trump MAGA stores.

Trump to Bomb Iran with Dirty Diapers

 He's going to use Mitch McConnell's diapers.  He should ask permission.