Senators Found Dead in Reflecting Pool

 More later.

22 Specialists Look at Trump's Brain

 Not all agree it's a brain.  Those in bio-hazard gear believe it is an alien substance sent to destroy the Earth.

The Pat's Bog team does not believe the brain is a biohazard needing incineration upon death.  This is a rumor from White House staff. Firing is needed.

Trump Meditates

 He is not sleeping. His mind is busy, though.

Trump Will Confess to Epstein Crimes

to distract from the war so he can play more golf and assure his Evangelical buddies that he believes in God.  They are worried that they've become historical idiots.  Can idiots go to heaven?  Probably.

Trump to Hide Epstein Files in New Ballroom

 And all the classified docs he can steal.

Evangelicals: Please go to Heaven Immediately

 and take Trump with you.  You all can have a rally and chant "lock her up."  Forever!  Think about it.  For ever!  Never ending!  Take the hidden Epstein files with you and root for Trump!  Forever!

Trump to Appoint Big Foot as FBI Director

 Good choice.  He drinks beer in the woods.