Trump to Hide Epstein Files in New Ballroom

 And all the classified docs he can steal.

Evangelicals: Please go to Heaven Immediately

 and take Trump with you.  You all can have a rally and chant "lock her up."  Forever!  Think about it.  For ever!  Never ending!  Take the hidden Epstein files with you and root for Trump!  Forever!

Trump to Appoint Big Foot as FBI Director

 Good choice.  He drinks beer in the woods.

Pete Hegseth for Supreme Court

 Jesus will whisper in his ear.  He was on Fox.  He's gathered wisdom from President Trump.  He'll help end the right to vote for women and minorities.  Unfortunately, he won't be able to fire generals or direct the foreign policy.  Can't have everything.

The hearings would be rough.  Women would come and complain. At least Hegseth wasn't involved with Epstein.

Hegseth (and Jesus) will Lead the Charge into Tehran

 Jesus will hack millions of Iranians to death with a giant sword.  Hegseth will be working the camera.

Trump Hearing Voices

Epstein telling him to enjoy himself.  There's a lot more of that in heaven, wink wink.  As many virgins 

as Islamic suicide bombers get.  Trump will be in the same dormitory as a bomber.

Trump and Girl's Schools

 He thought there was Epstein evidence in the school.