New AI Jobs!

 Spraying tear gas on the rioting unemployed.

Natile Harp Changes Trump's Diapers Late at Night

 He loses it while posting.  It's a sweet scene.

Reflecting Pond is Septic Tank for White House

 It's not that bad and no one is complaining about the smell.

Epstein Corpse in Lincoln Bedroom!

 Look under the bed. He's wired and pickled in some singularity project.  Underage girls are brought to the bedroom daily.  It's a scandal!

Senators Found Dead in Reflecting Pool

 More later.

22 Specialists Look at Trump's Brain

 Not all agree it's a brain.  Those in bio-hazard gear believe it is an alien substance sent to destroy the Earth.

The Pat's Bog team does not believe the brain is a biohazard needing incineration upon death.  This is a rumor from White House staff. Firing is needed.

Trump Meditates

 He is not sleeping. His mind is busy, though.