To sue everyone. The Department of Justice will be expanded tenfold to keep up with the presidents lawsuits.
Trump will also carpet bomb Mexico.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Donald Trump's Coronation
One thousand virgins will be sacrificed. There will be vegan food available.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Donald Trump Trepans George Bush
Trump wants to see how the decision to enter and destroy the Middle East, so he trepans George Bush on a table at Chuck E Cheese. Weapons of mass destruction pour out of his brain.
Trump is captivated by the trepanning. He decides to make it part of Obama Care, free trepanning for everyone. He trepans Joe the Plumber, hairy drain sludge pours out of his head. He trepans Sarah Palin, birds fly out of her skull. The beauty queens shout, "a miracle!" Donald corrects them, "a bird brain."
Donald's weight is back up to 98 pounds. His aides want him to leave the Chuck E Cheese alternate reality and devote his time and energy to campaigning. Donald trepans all the beauty queens until he has early signs of carpal tunnel. He can't lift pizza slices to he his fed by the dizzy beauty queens.
Trump is captivated by the trepanning. He decides to make it part of Obama Care, free trepanning for everyone. He trepans Joe the Plumber, hairy drain sludge pours out of his head. He trepans Sarah Palin, birds fly out of her skull. The beauty queens shout, "a miracle!" Donald corrects them, "a bird brain."
Donald's weight is back up to 98 pounds. His aides want him to leave the Chuck E Cheese alternate reality and devote his time and energy to campaigning. Donald trepans all the beauty queens until he has early signs of carpal tunnel. He can't lift pizza slices to he his fed by the dizzy beauty queens.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Donald Trump Will Sue George Bush if....
he paints an oil painting of Donald's likeness. Likeness is a relative idea for all but a few artists who will go unnamed for fear of a law suit. But, really, why should the "oil painter" paint portraits of world leaders when he wasn't? He could have painted all the people in the Crawford phone book and saved the world a world of woe.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Donald Trump Wants to Fight George Bush
Donald continues to train a Chuck E Cheese. He's eating vegetables along with copious amounts of Pizza.
Donald has not respect for the "oil painter" aka father of ISIL.
Donald will formally challenge Mr. Bush to an MMA style fight to be held in Baghdad to honor Mr. Bush's ruining of the Middle East, North Africa and Europe.
Donald has not respect for the "oil painter" aka father of ISIL.
Donald will formally challenge Mr. Bush to an MMA style fight to be held in Baghdad to honor Mr. Bush's ruining of the Middle East, North Africa and Europe.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Donald Trump Gains More Weight for Fight With Pope
Donald continues to eat pizza at Chuck E. Cheese where he has set up his training camp.
He is studying MMA. He thinks the Pope will tap out with an arm bar. Donald dislocates several the arms of sparing partners -- beauty queens.
Joe the Plumber is a good partner. He's big and not easily moved around grappling.
Donald thinks of the pizza as the Eucharist. Sarah Palin is his spiritual advisor. She's on the phone to try and keep Donald within the bounds of taste.
Donald is up to 90 pounds.
He is studying MMA. He thinks the Pope will tap out with an arm bar. Donald dislocates several the arms of sparing partners -- beauty queens.
Joe the Plumber is a good partner. He's big and not easily moved around grappling.
Donald thinks of the pizza as the Eucharist. Sarah Palin is his spiritual advisor. She's on the phone to try and keep Donald within the bounds of taste.
Donald is up to 90 pounds.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Donald Trump Regains Weight at Chuck E. Cheese
Donald began to gain weight at the Chuck E. Cheese. He made a generous offer and secured a lease. He hired a few of the beauty queens to work as gofers, bring salads from Whole Foods, shampoo and comb his hair.
Sarah Palin left to go shopping and make speaking engagements.
Joe the Plumber stayed on as an adviser. He spent some time fighting at the local strip mall bar.
After two weeks, Donald weighed in at 68 pounds.
Sarah Palin left to go shopping and make speaking engagements.
Joe the Plumber stayed on as an adviser. He spent some time fighting at the local strip mall bar.
After two weeks, Donald weighed in at 68 pounds.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Donald Trump Weighs 59 Pounds
Sarah Palin baked cookies for Donald, but they weren't gluten free.
Joe the Plumber thinks Donald is too Skinny so they fly to the mainland. Donald rents a Chuck E.Cheese for a private party. He invites hundreds of bathing beauties.
Donald is wheeled around the arcade and wins thousands of tickets. He redeems them for a nice prize which he donate to charity. Donald eats two slices of pizza. His BMI raises slightly.
He decides the spend a few weeks recuperating at Chuck E. Cheese.
Joe the Plumber thinks Donald is too Skinny so they fly to the mainland. Donald rents a Chuck E.Cheese for a private party. He invites hundreds of bathing beauties.
Donald is wheeled around the arcade and wins thousands of tickets. He redeems them for a nice prize which he donate to charity. Donald eats two slices of pizza. His BMI raises slightly.
He decides the spend a few weeks recuperating at Chuck E. Cheese.
Donald Trump Weighs 63 Pounds
Donald says that he is weak and claims that he wasn't born but sprung from Zeus's' thigh.
Sarah Palin stops shooting randomly into the woods and raises the birthed question?
"If you sprung from Zeus, are you an American and are you a Christian?"
Joe the Plumber shoots some of Palin's neighbors thinking that they are more New York Times reporters. It's a common Libertarian mistake.
"Donald assures her that he is an American Christian and owner of golf resorts."
Donald tries to eat some ground venison and applesauce to regain some weight.
Sarah Palin stops shooting randomly into the woods and raises the birthed question?
"If you sprung from Zeus, are you an American and are you a Christian?"
Joe the Plumber shoots some of Palin's neighbors thinking that they are more New York Times reporters. It's a common Libertarian mistake.
"Donald assures her that he is an American Christian and owner of golf resorts."
Donald tries to eat some ground venison and applesauce to regain some weight.
Monday, February 8, 2016
Donald Trump Weighs 67 Pounds
Donald wants the dead bears piled near the deck. Joe the plumber finds dead journalists inside bear suits. They immediately suspect the New York Times. Then Sarah makes a call to see if establishment Republicans have sent operatives to get at trump.
Donald tries to eat a power bar but has to spit it out. Brown goo drips down his chin. Joe wants to weigh Donald, but he makes a fuss over the possible gossip of bulimia.
Donald tries to eat a power bar but has to spit it out. Brown goo drips down his chin. Joe wants to weigh Donald, but he makes a fuss over the possible gossip of bulimia.
Donald Trump Weighs 69 Pounds
Donald is flown by private jet to Alaska. He languishes on Sarah Palin's deck. He remains impassive waiting for the next weigh in.
Jihadis disguised as bears clamber toward the deck only to be shot by a frothing Joe the Plumber. Donald makes notes about foreign policy, especially an eminent Radical Islamic attack across the Bering Straight.
Scales are prepared. Real Alaskan men are ready to life Donald onto the scale.
Jihadis disguised as bears clamber toward the deck only to be shot by a frothing Joe the Plumber. Donald makes notes about foreign policy, especially an eminent Radical Islamic attack across the Bering Straight.
Scales are prepared. Real Alaskan men are ready to life Donald onto the scale.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Donald Trump Weighs 75 Pounds
A giant Zika mosquito affixes itself to Donald's head. Sarah Palin uses her AK47 to remove the pest.
She wants to fly Donald to Alaska where he can recuperate on her Deck with a view Syria so he can work on his Middle East Policy. He generously gives the Zika carcass to Joe the Plumber who wants to mount it on his game wall near all the stuff Jihadis he shot in the woods.
She wants to fly Donald to Alaska where he can recuperate on her Deck with a view Syria so he can work on his Middle East Policy. He generously gives the Zika carcass to Joe the Plumber who wants to mount it on his game wall near all the stuff Jihadis he shot in the woods.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Donald Trump Weighs 77 Pounds
In a wavering voice Donald asks Joe the Plumber to arrange for thousands of beauty queens to pass by the divan he reclines on to wish him well. Joe asks, "how the hell do I do that?" Donald is too week to roll his eyes.
Donald Trump Weighs 79 Pounds
Caviar dribbles out of the corner of Donald's mouth. Joe the Plumber scoops it up oblivious to the miracle that is before him. He will use it for fishing bait.
Donald Trump Weighs 80 Pounds
Angelina Jolie calls Donald and suggests that he eat a small stalk of lettuce. Donald tells her that she is a seven and other insulting remarks.
Donald Trump Weighs 81 Pounds
Joe the plumber tries to feed Donald grapes that have been halved and prechewed. Donald is very tired and weak. Joe sings a lullaby that he usually sings to his arsenal of assault rifles and pipe wrenches. Donald falls asleep.
Donald Trump Weighs 82 Pounds
Joe the Plumber spoons chicken broth into Donald's parched lips which look like they have been stung by bees. Joe is weeping as his idol falters.
Donald Trump Weighs 83 Pounds
Brad Pitt spoon feeds him rosewater. Donald refuses to eat. Donald moans plaintively. Brad tells him to eat for his golf courses. Eventually Donald begins eating again.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Pascal's Coin Flip in Iowa
Yea, just flip a coin and decide what lowlife demagogue to publically whore with hundreds of millions of dollars.
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