644 (Much Needed Editorial Coments)

Pat's Bog does not endorse any group using the comment box for announcements.  The Bog does not originate in the Dallas area.  Our position on Gay Ducks is tolerance.  Our position on Flarf Poets, both those who believe the Rapture is at hand (644 days!) or do not believe there is anything called the Rapture is also one of tolerance. They can stay around with the gay ducks and write poetry.

645 Phil Robertson -- New General Manager of Dallas Cowboys

He'll have all the black players singing and dancing to the super bowl.

645

645  (See all of the relevant posts from 2009)

646 (Duck Dynasty Anti-Gay Duck Calls and Flarf Poetry)

Gay ducks are delaying the Rapture.  Jesus is more afraid of duck calls than gay ducks.
Billions of gay ducks flying over Dallas evacuating their bowels on strip clubs and Churches alike.  This is one PreRapture event that requires vigilance.

647 (Minimum Wage -- The Less Paid)

The smaller the wage the easier it is to blame the workers for their inability to have a normal life.
This will all be solved when the Rapture comes in less than 647 days.  Have your lawn chairs lined up in the back yard.

648 (Fox News is White)

Just to have balanced reporting and fewer people of color arising during the rapture -- 647 days to go!  'And as the bumper sticker said, Can I have your car when you're gone. If it's not a guzzler.  We'll take your money for the blog christmas party.

649 (Donate to Rapture Fund)

Many believe that the Rapture has been delayed because it is underfunded.  The is not underfunded like a government program, it is just underfunded.  Donate now and see results soon.

653-650 (An enormous tip)

An enormous tip was left for a Christian waitress by an atheist.  She didn't know that so she didn't return the money.  She went to the mall and bought a lot of stuff for the Rapture.

654 (Von Trapp Family Waiting for Rapture)

The Von Trapp family will pack a picnic basket and begin the count down leading to the rapture.  They plan to begin when the days dwindle to a calendar month. This blog thanks them for their contributions and endorsement.

655

I've been getting a lot of grief about the scandal that will take the Obama administration down.  This blog is now dedicated to the countdown to the rapture.  Any other entries are by the writing team that uses this blog.

Please go to other blogs for political commentary.

656 (Stansbury Report Debunked)

The Stansbury Reports claims that we are on day 607 of the Rapture countdown. This is clearly a self promotional claim.  It coincides with the release of their new video of Bigfoot in the Whitehouse.

657

It's a long wait.  Not much to say today.  Yesterday seemed like a week.  As we move toward 0 time will get slower and slower -- be prepared those of you who are hoping for an eternal buffet where you don't gain weight.

660,659,658 (This is not Satan's phone number)

We went for a ride in Kallery.net's UFO with a group of hair Irishmen.  We drank a lot of tea and had a tele conference with Wayne La Pierre who believes that Iran has the right to have Nuclear Weapons.  But we're back counting down from 666 to 0.  Hang in there.

661 (Concussed and seeing the Pearly Gates)

This will be over before you now it.  It's not a 2000 years-and-counting proposition.

662 (Justin Beaver Chews on Pencils)

If the counting speeds up or slows down it is because time is irregular.

663 (Lady Gaga)

Take the counting seriously, but relax.

664

There is plentey of time to get ready.  Practice deep breathing.

665

We're beginning the countdown.!  Do not send us  your money or sell your house or quit your job or get anxious.  We will count together.  Count our breaths.

666

and counting

Olsen Twins Make Bid on Kallery.net

This blog has learned that the Olsen twins have made an offer to buy out Kallery.net and turn it into a retail outlet for their fashion lines.  Harold Camping likes to wear Olsen fashion.

Harold Camping Advises Michelle Bachman

Mr. Camping felt that by wearing black socks with white shoes he delayed the Rapture.  He advised Ms. Bachman to wear the spa bathrobe and have bare feet with no polish on the toenails.

Welcome Vampirestat

I have two holes in my neck that drip blood occasionally. Is this a vampire bite?  I was working late at night finishing up a job and I think Michelle Bachman bit my neck.  Is this possible?  I thought she was waiting in a bathrobe for the second coming.

Jesus Misspelled

Jesus won every spelling bee he ever entered.

Second Coming Delayed -- Windows Searching for Problem

Many have been looking at the sky for most of the lives.  Why not give windows a try.  It could be a cyber event.  Michelle Bachman should keep her IPhone on while she waits.

Jesus in Texas

Everybody knows that Jesus looks a lot like a younger Jerry Jones.  Texas is really heaven; there's just a lot of stuff in the way.

Michele Bachman and the End of Time

Ms. Bachman is finishing up now.  She's had her last meal and last glass of water.  She's had her last bowel movement.  She is wearing a white spa bathrobe and an Oral Roberts baseball cap -- backwards.  She's said goodby and she's waiting.  Let us all wait.

Yandex Social

Members of the Yandex team visited our blog studio.  Yandax is a very bottom-fedding-forward company.  They swill vodka at an alarming rate.   We had a wall painting contest that was great fun.  Not since we had the Kardashians over have we had such a riotious time.

Kallery.net Disappointment

We've devoted this blog to Kallery.net.  We support and promote it as a good corporate entity.  Yet if we don't give it a mention on a daily basis it goes elsewhere.  We could withdraw our support and begin a boycott.

Ted Cruz Uses Kallery.net

This is true.  He got in on the ground floor, owns a lot of stock and is doing very well by it.

Kallery.net Party

The staff of Pat's Bog hosted a party for Kallery.net.  A great time was had by all.  Really!  It was a fun mix of broken down house painters and phantom software types texting each other while the painters hit the wine bar and told stories about the extended Kardashian family paint empire.  (See prior blog postings). 

Kallery.net intends to be more "personable" in the future -- less front for NSA data mining.

Poison Gas

If you've used poison gas on your neighbor, you shouldn't.  I don't mean to be preachy, but it's not helpful.

Volitional Formations Week!

My sources tell me that there are an unlimited supply of volitional formations to make for a week.  They gave me bigger numbers, but let's watch for a week and see how that goes.

Volitional Formations Day

Give a shout out for volitional formations -- pay attention too!

Wayne La Pierre is a Genius!

As Albert Einstein said, keeping doing the same thing and eventually it will work.

Guns Don't Kill People -- Whole Foods Does

Even Assad knows that.  Using chemical weapons while hunting taints the meat -- it's extra gamy.  Assad is not a deer hunter.  His wife likes organic vegetables.  I think she would like Whole Foods.  If Assad ate more Vienna sausages or in Vienna, he might like deer hunting, he might take snuff.  His wife keeps her snuff refrigerated. Its only cold for a moment.  That's the problem.  A larger percentage of mass murders have used snuff.  Snuff kills people.  If there was a choice between banning assault rifles and snuff I would ban snuff.  Whole Foods sells a lot of snuff.  Most of their spices have significant amounts of snuff mixed in.

Kallery.net Appreciation Day

K.net does deserve appreciation for its work wading through the world's sewage looking for small coins that it gives to its charitable foundation.  Bravo!

Spank Assad

Hello Bratislava.  It's a beautiful day.  Go swim in the river!

White Greeters

When I go to church I like to be met by white greeters -- at least ten.  I prefer pasty and doughy white greeters.  I prefer white flarf poets to be short and stocky -- stunted.  Ten flarf poets would be too much, unless they were protesting at the Olympics.

Take a Flarf Poet to Lunch Day

This blog is offering an orange Naugahyde couch for sale.  It is in good condition, firm for back support.  NO we are not trying to muscle Craig's List.

Flarf Poets Boycott Olympics

It seems that Flarf poets are much in the news with their boycotting of institutions.  It has been brought to this blog's attention that Flarf poets are now skittish about engaging issues after the incident in the tent while protesting Wall St.  (See Five Comatose Flarf Poets Found at Wall Street 11/15/11.)

The money from the Putin foundation will be disbursed anonymously. If a Flarf poet takes you out to dinner in an expensive restaurant it could mean that she is a recipient.

Viewing Non-Humans

Is this just ordinary noticings as they say in elementary school or the non-evolutionary creatures that rise up out of the Middle American Aquifers and go to church?

Moral Obscenity

That's a good one.  Give that speech writer one of those $10 Washington muffins.

Non-human Viewing

Is this just two objects in some dimensional relation?  We can say subject but do animals have the same interests as we do -- a monkey with a laptop or Kallery.net and a blog.

Kallery.net

Let's have another shout out for Kallery.net!

Flarf Poets Boycott McArthur Grants

I'd like to think President Putin for the contribution to the underground Flarf network.  The money will be disbursed by the end of the year. 

We will publish new disbursement new very soon.

Good Morning Russia

How are you today?

I found my library book

Those kind people in Russia who are looking for it.  No need.  I haven't been in Russia since an Aeroflot plane landed their in 1974.

Princess Kate Inhales Blowgun Dart

She spit it out happily.

K

Z (just to keep you on your toes.  Hello Russia!)

braless 7

sweat socks 6  (scoring system explained later)

k

l  that's L

j

k (I'm losing track of the alphabet)

h

j

I

J

h

i

( This is easy )

Flarf Poets Run Blogsratings site

A consortium of Flarf poets run the Blogsratings site to raise money for their challenge of all aging poets in academic institutions.  The nature of the challenge has not been revealed by my sources.  But it will be "ugly."

f (Kardashian meme infects all humans under the age of 39)

g       (Millions of people are found in malls drooling and catatonic)

g

h

f

g

e

f

Hello Nigeria.  Send me some money!

d

e

D and E are a very elegant sequence.  Take a moment to appreciate this and investigate the subtle differences of D and E and X and Y.  Enjoy.

D

I'm going to rerelease a,b and c.  As a one time bonus, I'm going to rerelease z.
Have a great weekend Khazikistan!

d

I'm going to hold out another day.  There has been a great responsed to out -of- sequence letters, but the element of surprise is lost if I do it too much.  It will either be e or j.

c

x

I'm withholding c or d in an attempt to fool Kallery and filmhill.  Lets see what they do.

a

b

frogs in the opera.

z

a




(This blog is now written by a computer)

y

y

x

x

Washington Redskin Name Change

Please use these. I want nothing in return, not even tickets.

Skinheads
Skinflints
Foreskins
Scinedknees
Skingrafts
Tanskins
Skinnydippers

Filmhill.com Warning!

The rumor has been moving around blogs that filmhill is engaged in human trafficking.  What I heard from a friend in Silicon Valley is that filmhill is trafficking in under age programmers that are sent to Northern California to work in programming sweat shops. 

If you have any information about the truth of these rumors, please come forward.

Kallery.net Warning!

Kallery.net is a front for a North Korean/Chinese agency that is setting up a global virus that is resident in home computers.  The virus will be set loose on the cyber infrastructure of western institutions.  The release date is expected in less than a year.

Wayne La Pierre in Chechnya

Wayne La Pierre sits at a folding table on mountain road.  He is thinking about the ethics of violence.  He has notes on index cards for stabbings, clubbing's, IED's, water boarding, drone attacks, shootings, garroting, apologies and compensation. He reads the cards and makes additional notes.  A  sniper has him in his sights.  What happens next?

Oscar Pistorius and the Taliban

Oscar Pistorius runs down a road in Waziristan.  The Taliban stop him and confiscate his blades.  They take him to their leaders.  What happens next?

Stephen Hawking and the Taliban

Stephen Hawking is left on a road in Afghanistan.  A Taliban patrol finds him and brings him to their commanders.  What happens next?

George Bush Library "Deep doo doo"

A monument to the economic and ethical destruction of the United States.

President Bush can read while being water boarded by Dick Cheney.  This is his legacy.

Govenor Christie's Gay Therapy

Unfortunately, Governor Christie believes that gay therapy will help him lose weight.  I think one of his advisers should tell him that he is mistaken before this becomes a public embarrassment. I don't think a politicians career should be ruined by a simple mistake.

Michelle Bachman's Brain

Did something happen to Michelle Bachman at Oral Robert's University?  Was she the victim of a healing-gone-wrong?  Back in the tent the needy would line up on one side and leave their crutches on the other.  Did something go horribly wrong?  Did she have a reverse or aborted healing?

Harry Reems and Republican Rebranding

All of the angry old white guys drop their sorts and Harry pulls the branding iron out of the fire.  It only hurts for a few minutes, until the Oxycontin kicks in.  Then cigars and good booze are passed around and everything is better.  "We''ll take back the country from those ............"  Consultants run around reminding them that they can't use that kind of language anymore, but the booze and dope are out of control.

Shame! The Left Has Won (3)

The radio host fills his golf bag with Oxycontin and threatens to swallow them all by dumping them directly down his throat.  His maid pulls the bag away.  The host thanks her and sticks more pins in the doll.

Shame! The Left has Won (2)

A talk show host sits drooling on his couch sticking pins in a Sasha doll.  He reaches for another pill but only spills the bottle on the floor.  He calls for his maid.  She has the night off.  He curses the left.

Shame! The Left Has Won!

Oxycontin is now illegal, except while playing golf.

Deadly Shooting Spree (Generic or NRA Approved)

Wayne LaPierre stands in front of his map of the US.  He inserts pushpins at the location of the latest gun violence.  He knows that the guns are not the problem, people -- evil people -- are the problem. After several hours of pin work, Mr. LaPierre takes one of his assault weapons down from the rack and begins to break it down, oil it.  He sips a Bud Lite.  He thanks the Lord for the good work he has been called to do.

The Association has lobbied Mr. LaPierre to use a more up-to-date means of recording gun violence, but Mr. LaPierre is old school.  Guns are used with human hands, to the recording will be manual as well.  Mr. La Pierre has agreed to have an assistant on days when there is significant slaughter.  Several students from a local Bible College have been put on retainer.  They carry concealed weapons to help protect Mr. LaPierre from his legions of armed adversaries.

Wayne Lapierre's kind of Cattle Drive

103 killed in Sudaneese cattle drive.  If only Wayne was there just blasting away. More deaths or fewer deaths or dead cows, goats, chickens or armed security guards or even  Ann Coulter lip-syncing...how is this not a good thing, a ethical example of cattle drives?!

Outraged Talaban

Guys, this is what we do in the West.  This is our idea of ethics and perception of what is right.  You guys cut off heads, throw acid in women's faces and blow up busses.  We use our thumbs on instruments to bomb you.  Like playing games.

Manti Te'o Died

I played all his games the last two season.  I'll prove it too -- very soon.

Rand Paul Swims in the Dead Sea

Paul Rand
Randy Paul
Paul Randy is Dead
See Dead Paul
Salty Paul is Randy
Ian Randy smoked seaweed
Ian Paul Randy Krauthammer
Charles Krauthammer had a picnic with Governor Huckabee on the shores of the dead sea
Governor Huckabee Rand Paul waded into the sea with a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich in his hand

Lance Armstrong Weeping

Armstrong will begin his confessional phase.  He will write a best seller about overcoming adversity, honesty and virtue.  He will write a cookbook, sex manual, fitness book, children's story, movie about himself shooting up in France an so on.  He will make millions.  He will start a foundation for rehabbing millionaire cheaters and liars.

AIG Building

Evacuate the building. Dismantle it.  Pile the pieces on the estates of the Board of Directors, CEO, major stock holders, lobbyists and bevy of lawyers.  This is what we do to greedy, entitled whiny bastards.