We need to go infantile from President on down. Here's a partial list.
President DooDoo
Vice President PeePee
Senator WeeWee
CEO MeMe
CFO MyMy
Supreme Court Justice CoCo
General Kiki
Officer DoDo
Reverend PooPoo
Designer FooFoo
Professor Wawa
Radio Pundit OxyOxy
Journalist WooWoo
Inspector KooKoo
Ingenue BooBoo
Coach UgUg
Our list is very long, but you get the idea. We also believe that a diaper name does not in and of itself prevent anyone from working for or against the public good.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Paris Kardashian
We are saddened to learn of the death of Paris Kardashian, nee Holten, over this holiday weekend. She is among the growing Kardashian tragedy as we have chronicled in this blog.
Ms. Kardashian was a recent student at a trade school. She studied aviation mechanics for a semester then took a job with her late aunt Margot Kardashian, who, after several decades as a roofing contractor, bought a scaffolding company, Kardashian Scaffolding.
Bull Terriers were Ms. Kardashian's passion. She named them after celebrities. A kennel was built at the Kardashian Scaffolding yard where the bulls ran and played. Ms. Kardashian worked in the office.
Ms. Kardashian was a recent student at a trade school. She studied aviation mechanics for a semester then took a job with her late aunt Margot Kardashian, who, after several decades as a roofing contractor, bought a scaffolding company, Kardashian Scaffolding.
Bull Terriers were Ms. Kardashian's passion. She named them after celebrities. A kennel was built at the Kardashian Scaffolding yard where the bulls ran and played. Ms. Kardashian worked in the office.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Kanye West's Rant
Backstage he ranted against Black Friday. His bedtime is at 3 am. This is the get-in-line hour for buying electronic gadgets. Do you expect a star to sleep in a sleeping bag in a parking lot. Aren't stars entitled to big discounts on TVs?
I would suggest he park a rock star bus outside the store so he could sleep or at least have one of his people stand in line with a list and cash. Not everything has to be taken personally with a paranoid edge to it.
I would suggest he park a rock star bus outside the store so he could sleep or at least have one of his people stand in line with a list and cash. Not everything has to be taken personally with a paranoid edge to it.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Edward Kardashian Sr.
It has been a tragic week for the Kardashians. Not that death is tragic, but so many in one extended family.
Edward Kardashian Sr. worked for Dunn-Edwards paint. He started in the store as a salesman, then mixer. He was one of the finest eye matchers around. He won an informal contest by matching the color of the Golden Gate Bridge -- orange -- in less than five minutes.
In his retirement, Kardashian was a landscape painter. He often painted the land and bay around the Golden Gate Bridge. He won a bridge painting contest -- humor award -- for painting the Bay Bridge orange. His humor will be missed.
He is not survived by his son Edward Kardashian Jr. who died last year in a car accident.
Edward Kardashian Sr. worked for Dunn-Edwards paint. He started in the store as a salesman, then mixer. He was one of the finest eye matchers around. He won an informal contest by matching the color of the Golden Gate Bridge -- orange -- in less than five minutes.
In his retirement, Kardashian was a landscape painter. He often painted the land and bay around the Golden Gate Bridge. He won a bridge painting contest -- humor award -- for painting the Bay Bridge orange. His humor will be missed.
He is not survived by his son Edward Kardashian Jr. who died last year in a car accident.
Big Foot Back at Betty Ford!
Big foot has returned to Betty Ford according to my sources. When we last visited Big Foot he was staying with an interior decorator in Palm Springs. He was doing well there, sequestered in the guest house of a rather large compound.
BF was learning to putt. He spent hours putting on the carpet, then at dusk on the adjoining golf course. Then BF started drinking and demanding to learn to use a sand wedge and one of those over sized drivers. He became unruly and somehow was returned to Betty Ford.
My source (quoting sources) said that the counselors at Betty Ford were happy to have him return. They had been developing new counseling protocols and techniques when BF had left abruptly. BF is being kept away from Lindsay Lohan.
We can only hope and pray that BF finds his place in society.
BF was learning to putt. He spent hours putting on the carpet, then at dusk on the adjoining golf course. Then BF started drinking and demanding to learn to use a sand wedge and one of those over sized drivers. He became unruly and somehow was returned to Betty Ford.
My source (quoting sources) said that the counselors at Betty Ford were happy to have him return. They had been developing new counseling protocols and techniques when BF had left abruptly. BF is being kept away from Lindsay Lohan.
We can only hope and pray that BF finds his place in society.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Dumping with the Stars
FOX has it in the works. Yes! Two toilets. An ordinary person sits on one toilet. A Star sits on the other. A more developed premise is in the works. A certain writer with an Ive League background is being called in for ideas.
Stars from an A list may not be possible. But everyone is capable! This is all my source at FOX would say.
Note: The board of directors for Pat's Blog insisted on a title change. It was more vulgar in its original title. While we are at the stage as a culture of watching people competitively defecate, we stile become outraged over a few words and rightly so. The word blog sounds like a crap, doesn't it?
This blog entry will be updated.
Stars from an A list may not be possible. But everyone is capable! This is all my source at FOX would say.
Note: The board of directors for Pat's Blog insisted on a title change. It was more vulgar in its original title. While we are at the stage as a culture of watching people competitively defecate, we stile become outraged over a few words and rightly so. The word blog sounds like a crap, doesn't it?
This blog entry will be updated.
No Country for Old Men Tweeting
Should old men be tweeting? On a need to know basis, what's the hurry? Grim reaper getting too close? Shouldn't old men sleep in chairs? I do. Should an old man tweet, then take a nap, then tweet upon awakening? "I'm drooling."
For several years I couldn't understand why young people kept looking at the palms of their hands. Did they believe that too much masturbation led to hairy palms? Then I realized they were looking at small gadgets and it all made sense. But old men?
The food court at the mall is the place where old men wait stoically for the grim reaper. They don't tweet at the food court and they don't flarf either.
For several years I couldn't understand why young people kept looking at the palms of their hands. Did they believe that too much masturbation led to hairy palms? Then I realized they were looking at small gadgets and it all made sense. But old men?
The food court at the mall is the place where old men wait stoically for the grim reaper. They don't tweet at the food court and they don't flarf either.
Curtis Kardashian
Sadly, Curtis Kardashian has passed away too. His brother Clyde died recently. (See Nov 20 Blog) Curtis was Clyde's twin brother.
I did not know Curtis as well as Clyde. Curtis ran his own company and we often bid against one another. When we did work together -- as young men -- Curtis had a thousand stories, although, few of them were true. Curtis managed to tell stories while we were eating that did not involve the favorite trade themes -- job mutilations and excrement. He had fun at client's expense without being mean. He had a sly humor that none of my younger crew members have.
Curtis was a womanizer until he met his beloved Margot, a roofing contractor. They spent many happy years together. Margot died several years ago. May they, too, rest in peace.
I did not know Curtis as well as Clyde. Curtis ran his own company and we often bid against one another. When we did work together -- as young men -- Curtis had a thousand stories, although, few of them were true. Curtis managed to tell stories while we were eating that did not involve the favorite trade themes -- job mutilations and excrement. He had fun at client's expense without being mean. He had a sly humor that none of my younger crew members have.
Curtis was a womanizer until he met his beloved Margot, a roofing contractor. They spent many happy years together. Margot died several years ago. May they, too, rest in peace.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Home Depot "Expertise"
Home Depot lures one into the obvious. I'm there.
An employee said that an item wasn't an area of his expertise. Very honest, but expertise at Home Depot? Irony at Home Depot?
With Christmas coming the cheap gift packages have arrived. Screwdriver sets are always popular. Half in the bag and bloated like a pig, I usually get up from the Holiday table and start hand screwing and unscrewing everything in sight. It's good practice. Never know when we'll revert to hand screwing again.
Speaking of screwing. If your factory has moved to a foreign country...never mind.
An employee said that an item wasn't an area of his expertise. Very honest, but expertise at Home Depot? Irony at Home Depot?
With Christmas coming the cheap gift packages have arrived. Screwdriver sets are always popular. Half in the bag and bloated like a pig, I usually get up from the Holiday table and start hand screwing and unscrewing everything in sight. It's good practice. Never know when we'll revert to hand screwing again.
Speaking of screwing. If your factory has moved to a foreign country...never mind.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Clyde Kardashian
Clyde was a hell of a painter. He was a master with all types of spraying -- lacquers, oils and pumping out room after room with an airless. Does anyone know if he is related to the Kardashian family. May he rest in peace. Oh, he did have a big rear end.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sarah Palin and Bullwinkle 2012
Sarah Palin will choose Bullwinkle as her running mate. This will continue the Grizzly mom theme and show that she is friends of animals, not just someone in a helicopter machine gunning animals.
Bullwinkle has spent years in Russia studying historic Five Year plans, the Gulag systems and various militarily infrastructures. He is believed to add heft to the ticket in foreign relations.
Rocky is both a leftist and atheist. There is some fear that the liberal press will go after the Rocky and Bullwinkle association in an attempt to smear Ms. Palin.
Bullwinkle has spent years in Russia studying historic Five Year plans, the Gulag systems and various militarily infrastructures. He is believed to add heft to the ticket in foreign relations.
Rocky is both a leftist and atheist. There is some fear that the liberal press will go after the Rocky and Bullwinkle association in an attempt to smear Ms. Palin.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Flarf Festival in Lagos?
The Flarf Festival committees have been moving around Argentina visiting possible sites for the proposed Festival. The differences between the Nigerian Flarf poets and the North American Flarf poets remain unresolved. While great quantities of meat and wine have been consumed, the real issues have not been addressed.
The Nigerians have, however, been working behind the scenes. They are proposing that the Festival be held in Lagos. Reading venues, hotels and night life are all in place. What's not in place, though, is an agreement that accommodates the Nigerian claim the Flarf poetry is to a significant extent a Nigerian invention.
Are the North Americans dragging their feet? From this distance and with undoubtedly biased sources, it is impossible to say. What is believed to be true is that the Nigerians are offering to charter a plain from the U.S. to Lagos. Other inducements have been rumored, such as book contracts from a Nigerian press that will be dedicated to Flarf poetry. This is seductive for the lesser known Flarf poets and maddening to the Flarf poets with fat book contracts.
The general loss of control -- location and story of origin -- has unnerved the North American Flarf poets. An International Flarf Festival may be postponed indefinitely. The Nigerians have countered with the proposal of a Lagos Flarf Festival with North American invitees. As of this writing, the North Americans are considering the offer. The proposed festival includes the chartered plan but not the book contracts.
The Nigerians have, however, been working behind the scenes. They are proposing that the Festival be held in Lagos. Reading venues, hotels and night life are all in place. What's not in place, though, is an agreement that accommodates the Nigerian claim the Flarf poetry is to a significant extent a Nigerian invention.
Are the North Americans dragging their feet? From this distance and with undoubtedly biased sources, it is impossible to say. What is believed to be true is that the Nigerians are offering to charter a plain from the U.S. to Lagos. Other inducements have been rumored, such as book contracts from a Nigerian press that will be dedicated to Flarf poetry. This is seductive for the lesser known Flarf poets and maddening to the Flarf poets with fat book contracts.
The general loss of control -- location and story of origin -- has unnerved the North American Flarf poets. An International Flarf Festival may be postponed indefinitely. The Nigerians have countered with the proposal of a Lagos Flarf Festival with North American invitees. As of this writing, the North Americans are considering the offer. The proposed festival includes the chartered plan but not the book contracts.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Behind the Scenes in Argentina
There have been some friendly but tense negotiations going on in Argentina between the Nigerian Flarf delegation and the ostensibly American Flarf delegation. The Nigerians have made it clear that they will underwrite the Festival if certain conditions are met. They want an evening to introduce Nigerian Flarf poetry and make the claim that Flarf poetry is really a creative byproduct of Nigerian cafe culture and the 419 Scam.
The claim has been made by the Nigerians that the Flarf poem -- not called Flarf at the time -- had its origins in the Nigerian scam cafes in the 90's. The poetry utilized among other things, playful and intentionally inappropriate material that appeared unbidden and contextually disruptive in the general environment of the internet and the cafes teeming with computer monitors. A group of poets used this material in conjunction with real 419 scam letters along with parodies, pastiches and outright playful bantering and nonsense.
This blog has learned that the Nigerian presentation -- a paper, scam texts, as well as video -- will use and appropriate a similar language used to support Flarf poetry. The Nigerians are willing to make their case and let its persuasiveness loose on the Flarf community of poets.
The claim has been made by the Nigerians that the Flarf poem -- not called Flarf at the time -- had its origins in the Nigerian scam cafes in the 90's. The poetry utilized among other things, playful and intentionally inappropriate material that appeared unbidden and contextually disruptive in the general environment of the internet and the cafes teeming with computer monitors. A group of poets used this material in conjunction with real 419 scam letters along with parodies, pastiches and outright playful bantering and nonsense.
This blog has learned that the Nigerian presentation -- a paper, scam texts, as well as video -- will use and appropriate a similar language used to support Flarf poetry. The Nigerians are willing to make their case and let its persuasiveness loose on the Flarf community of poets.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Big Foot Seen in Palm Springs
My source a Betty Ford (fired recently) has told me that Big Foot did not leave Palms Springs when his stay at Betty Ford ended abruptly. Accorcing to my source, who has been accurate so far, Big Foot he has been seen at the house of a retired interior decorator. It just so happens that I've worked with this interior decorator on numerous occasions over the years and know him to be a very personable, forthright and friend to house painters.
I have put through several calls, but have not been successful in getting through. I should also mention that there is no attempt on my part to link Big Foot with any community. There have been many enquiries about Big Foot's safety and if in fact he is with this interior decorator in is large historic house, he will have the security he needs until he decides what he wants to do with his life as it is obviously in transition.
I have put through several calls, but have not been successful in getting through. I should also mention that there is no attempt on my part to link Big Foot with any community. There have been many enquiries about Big Foot's safety and if in fact he is with this interior decorator in is large historic house, he will have the security he needs until he decides what he wants to do with his life as it is obviously in transition.
International Flarf Festival "Argentina"
This blog has learned that there is an advance team of Flarf Poets and their handlers in Argentina at the resort town of Bariloche. They are looking for a site that will meet the diverse needs of the poet community, critics, families and admirers.
As practical matters are addressed, there is a concern that the Vegan Flarf poets will not be able to sit in the same banquet room with the meat-eating Flarf poets and their outsized Argentine steaks. (Meat wars are tedious, if I may interject an opinion). I have also heard that there is concern with Internet access and IPhone/Pod performance. After all, there are only working vacations for Flarf poets.
A related concern is the number of stairs, uneven walkways, etc. A number of prominent Flarf poets are known to pace and even wander while working.
While Argentina is the first and favored country on this junket, the actual site while be determined by the Nigerian graduate student who dabbles in Flarf poetry. Nigerian oil money in the form of a substantial student allowance will underwrite the festival. This Nigerian graduate student is studying a certain Language Poet at an American University. More will be revealed at the festival.
As practical matters are addressed, there is a concern that the Vegan Flarf poets will not be able to sit in the same banquet room with the meat-eating Flarf poets and their outsized Argentine steaks. (Meat wars are tedious, if I may interject an opinion). I have also heard that there is concern with Internet access and IPhone/Pod performance. After all, there are only working vacations for Flarf poets.
A related concern is the number of stairs, uneven walkways, etc. A number of prominent Flarf poets are known to pace and even wander while working.
While Argentina is the first and favored country on this junket, the actual site while be determined by the Nigerian graduate student who dabbles in Flarf poetry. Nigerian oil money in the form of a substantial student allowance will underwrite the festival. This Nigerian graduate student is studying a certain Language Poet at an American University. More will be revealed at the festival.
A Word from Pat the House Painter
This is my blog and I do paint houses. My son and his friends work for me. They also have access to the blog and entertain themselves by making what they believe are witty blog entries. Fine. Several of them are over educated, but they can put in a decent days work for guys who carry Iphones. I let them do it, so now I have to live with it.
If there is any cruel treatment of any individual or group, profanity (God knows we swear enough on the job) or pornography please report it in the comment section of the blog. You may have to repeat the complaint because they may erase it or file fake complaints themselves. I have already deleted several blog entries as unacceptable. In One entry they had me shagging the attractive client on the leather couch, drop cloth for protection. Now this kind of stuff is funny (in an embarrassing way) on the job in small doses -- they think I think this way...they think they know how my imagination works...bull$$$$ I would have used the bed to save my back -- but there's no way I want this pathetic "college painter humor" associated with my blog.
If there is any cruel treatment of any individual or group, profanity (God knows we swear enough on the job) or pornography please report it in the comment section of the blog. You may have to repeat the complaint because they may erase it or file fake complaints themselves. I have already deleted several blog entries as unacceptable. In One entry they had me shagging the attractive client on the leather couch, drop cloth for protection. Now this kind of stuff is funny (in an embarrassing way) on the job in small doses -- they think I think this way...they think they know how my imagination works...bull$$$$ I would have used the bed to save my back -- but there's no way I want this pathetic "college painter humor" associated with my blog.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sarah Palin Rides a Drone
As Karl Rove said, Sarah Palin lacks gravitas. She needs some foreign policy experience. Looking at Siberia through binoculars is good, or from a helicopter while she's submachine gunning wildlife. But it will not win enough votes for her to become president.
We need something for her to do in the real world of international politics. I don't think she would be given her own table to negotiate peace between the Palestinians and Israelis. They have serious differences that will not be helped by pit bull humor. Hows many pit bulls did it take to bring down the Evil Empire?
What she needs is a war of her own -- at least a front. I suggest that the CIA give her Yemen. Leading commando raids would be a great resume helper. She can also fly helicopter missions and shoot insurgents Alaska style. She needs to be in the field in the real world. It won't do any good having her at the Sanaa UPS going diva on the employees for helping the terrorists with the package bombs or having her complaining that there isn't any good shopping or restaurants. The liberal press can be vicious!
Sarah Palin needs to be in the field in some battle outfit that fills the angry male tea partiers with lust! She needs a drone with a saddle on it to ride into the village square where she will dismount and start eviscerating Jihadis with a big Alaskan knife. The CIA could stage all of this. Round up (renditions) young men who aren't very physical, drug them and set them loose in the square just before Palin lands, a running of the Jihadis.
First she could work Yemen, then move on to the Tribal regions of Pakistan with the mountains as a video back drop. There is a much higher degree of difficulty there and FOX would have to rely more on the CIA for video.
For some of the scenes a stunt double would be appropriate, like straddling the drone in safari shorts and muscle shirt with John 3:16 on the back. We would needs lots of muscle for the hard body wing of the Tea Party
Remember Slim Pickens riding a nuclear warhead on its way to Russia!
We need something for her to do in the real world of international politics. I don't think she would be given her own table to negotiate peace between the Palestinians and Israelis. They have serious differences that will not be helped by pit bull humor. Hows many pit bulls did it take to bring down the Evil Empire?
What she needs is a war of her own -- at least a front. I suggest that the CIA give her Yemen. Leading commando raids would be a great resume helper. She can also fly helicopter missions and shoot insurgents Alaska style. She needs to be in the field in the real world. It won't do any good having her at the Sanaa UPS going diva on the employees for helping the terrorists with the package bombs or having her complaining that there isn't any good shopping or restaurants. The liberal press can be vicious!
Sarah Palin needs to be in the field in some battle outfit that fills the angry male tea partiers with lust! She needs a drone with a saddle on it to ride into the village square where she will dismount and start eviscerating Jihadis with a big Alaskan knife. The CIA could stage all of this. Round up (renditions) young men who aren't very physical, drug them and set them loose in the square just before Palin lands, a running of the Jihadis.
First she could work Yemen, then move on to the Tribal regions of Pakistan with the mountains as a video back drop. There is a much higher degree of difficulty there and FOX would have to rely more on the CIA for video.
For some of the scenes a stunt double would be appropriate, like straddling the drone in safari shorts and muscle shirt with John 3:16 on the back. We would needs lots of muscle for the hard body wing of the Tea Party
Remember Slim Pickens riding a nuclear warhead on its way to Russia!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Religious and the Golden Gate Bridge
Why do the Religious stand on a knoll and pose for a photo with the Golden Gate Bridge as a backdrop? What is the significance? I've seen a picture of a pope, bishop, rabbi, Buddhist nuns, Oral Roberts, Amie Simple McPherson, Dali Lama, several minor flarf poets and so on, all standing with the bridge behind them -- orange and on a bias as it docks on the Marin side of the bay.
Let's eliminate bridging as a metaphor, also bays, oceans and vistas. Let's eliminate photography and the need to be photographed or look at photography. Let's eliminate all religious doctrine that doesn't abandon itself when it has done its work in this very life.
(Written by guest religious bloggist who is visiting the Bay Area. He spent time walking on the Golden Gate Bridge)
Let's eliminate bridging as a metaphor, also bays, oceans and vistas. Let's eliminate photography and the need to be photographed or look at photography. Let's eliminate all religious doctrine that doesn't abandon itself when it has done its work in this very life.
(Written by guest religious bloggist who is visiting the Bay Area. He spent time walking on the Golden Gate Bridge)
Friday, November 5, 2010
International Flarf Festival
The blog is proud to announce the first International Flarf Festival. The Festival is in its planning stages. While the festival, prizes, invitees and corporate sponsors are in place, many of the other details of a festival are not.
A site has not been chosen. Many of the younger Flarf poets are lobbying for Argentina.
The theme of the festival is believed to be, Flarf as Praxis, is currently subject to strenuous and acrimonious debate.
This blog will announce the Festival dates as soon is the committee arrives at a decision. Stay with us.
A site has not been chosen. Many of the younger Flarf poets are lobbying for Argentina.
The theme of the festival is believed to be, Flarf as Praxis, is currently subject to strenuous and acrimonious debate.
This blog will announce the Festival dates as soon is the committee arrives at a decision. Stay with us.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
George Bush: Hurt Feelings
Sorry Mr. President. Sorry about yur feelings. You did, after all, ruin the economy (except for the wealthy! I know, that hurts yur feelings too), turn all of the Middle East, much of Africa and East Asian into a giant terrorist breeding ground to keep our farm boys busy for the rest of history. But there is freedom, somewhere. Where exactly? I forgot. I'm still in the spell yur freedom speeches. Like a third-place-junior-high essay contest, read to the class with attending parents. I love freedom.
My self esteem is much higher now, after yur eight years. I figure, if you can be president, any Bozo with the backing of powerful persons, I mean corporations, can be president.
As for the racism. Yeah, that's not easy to hear. Racism is disgusting. I don't know how to cheer you up. I guess I could buy two copies of yur book. But do I have to read both of them?
My self esteem is much higher now, after yur eight years. I figure, if you can be president, any Bozo with the backing of powerful persons, I mean corporations, can be president.
As for the racism. Yeah, that's not easy to hear. Racism is disgusting. I don't know how to cheer you up. I guess I could buy two copies of yur book. But do I have to read both of them?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Lindsay Lohan in Argentina
Lindsay Lohan will be the featured reader at the Flarf Festival in Argentina early next year. She has been working on a manuscript at Betty Ford with the full support of the staff. She is not believed to be a pure Flarf Poet. She draws on the tradition of confessional poets as well.
The details and scheduling of the Flarf Festival and Lindsay Lohan's participating will appear in this blog.
The details and scheduling of the Flarf Festival and Lindsay Lohan's participating will appear in this blog.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Doctors Phil and Laura
First, let me say that the two kind doctors solve human problems quickly and with characteristic tough love. What more could anyone ask for? I'm sure that with such analytic speed they bill out steeply, but a therapeutic success is the desired outcome is it not?
They do, however, need to be merged or put in the celebrity compactor. There is no intention on my part to titillate by having a beefy hermaphroditic outcome. The intention is a stewardship of celebrity so that it does not overrun and overuse its field.
The new celebrity psychologist will be either Dr. Philaura or Dr. Lauraphil or any other name that fits the outcome of the compaction.
They do, however, need to be merged or put in the celebrity compactor. There is no intention on my part to titillate by having a beefy hermaphroditic outcome. The intention is a stewardship of celebrity so that it does not overrun and overuse its field.
The new celebrity psychologist will be either Dr. Philaura or Dr. Lauraphil or any other name that fits the outcome of the compaction.
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