Trump Can Move Sand Traps with his Mind

 He can bend spoons too.  All the White House silverware is ruined.  Trump ate with his hands during his presidency.  He could wipe himself without using his hands.

I Tried Taking Fifty Shits a Day

 and the results were amazing.

Mocking Dead Kids: a Republican and Evangelical value

 God bless them.

Trump can bend Spoons

 Just by thinking about them.  Golf clubs too!

Trump Weeping Over Lost Presidency

 He wipes his eyes and other parts of his body with classified documents.  Please send him all of your money.

Giuliani vomits in tunnels, doorways, bathrooms, stairwells

kitchens, ditches, bunkers, sand traps, Trump's shoes, on Trump's prostitutes, putting greens, Trump's golf bag and so on.  Send him money so he can go into rehab (or pay for lawyers)

Trump Scouring Florida strip malls for attornerys

 Some of the finest legal minds can be found in Florida strip malls with their small practices waiting to be nominated to the supreme court.

300 Classified Docs at Mar a Lago

 Trump must have been using them as toilet paper or he was selling them to pay for his legal defense for stealing classified documents.

Trump Writing a Memoir

 is like a pig playing Chopin, the latter more likely.

Trump to seek sanctuary in Russia

 Sanctuary is compensation for giving Russia secret documents.  Poor Giuliani will have to stand before the firing squad.  His hair dye will be dripping.  Very Sad.

14 thousand FBI whistle blowers have landed

 Their fleet of ufos have landed on a Trump Golf course and are prepared to go on Fox and take the Fifth!!!

Trump used crayons on the Secret Documents

 He likes to color because he can't read.

Trump Selling Nuclear Documents to Russia

 He needs money for lawyers.  And there will be money left over!!!

Guiliani Can't Fly

 He's home drinking wine.

Alex Jones has Buddha Nature

 That's hard to believe.  He made millions from ruining people's minds.  He deserves a place in Buddhist hell.

Alex Jones -- 300 pounds of American Poison

 Unless he was pumped full of poison by the Russians to undermine the country.  He could have drunk Trump's piss, which is on sale.  It is believed to be better than the Lourdes water.  Evangelicals drink it by the gallon.

Trump want "Merchant of Death" for campaign advisor

 He'll be one of the big guns.   Maybe he can get some of the KGB poison to use domestically.

Steve Bannon took a crap on the Oval Office Floor

 or was it a shit?

Justice Alito Moons his Critics

 He probably needs to air it out after sitting around for months.

Senator Hawley to get Shoe deal from Nike

 Everybody needs to run away sometime.  Why not have the best footwear?

Matt Gaetz will not have sex with Thumb-women!

 But he will have consenting sex with his thumb.

Steve Bannon goes Medieval

 That means he gets his head chopped off and hung on a fence in Washington DC.  We have to be tough on crime.

Josh Hawley -- Track Star

 Did he run track in school?

Supreme Court to Reinstate Slavery

 I don't think that's right.

Trump Throws Feces in White House Bathroom

 Did it stick to the wall?

Agnostic Football Coach not Praying

 God is not involved in sports. God is not involved. Christians would beat the hell out of an agnostic coach.  He would have to go into a witness protection program or flee to a coastal city.  Praise the Lord.  Oil your assault rifles.

Kyle Rittenhouse to attend Harvard

 He will study vigilante justice.  

Trump spent the weekend with Satan

 They played golf and laughed at gullible Evangelicals.  Isn't that duplicitous?   Even Satan is bored with Evangelicals.  They are such easy marks.

Liberty University to offer a QAnon Studies Major

 The department will work to reconcile the rapture with the signs emerging out of QAnon. Any day now pool boys will look to the heavens for a bright light.

Republicans Prefer Mass Shootings over Snuiff Films

 De gustibus non est disputandum, 

Donald Trump Jr. to Hunt with Baseball Bat

 Bats are deadly and should only be used for hunting.  Remember, thoughts and prayers before bed.

Trump Reading the names of Dead Children

 Satan speaks for the antichrist and his fiends posing as God-fearing, gun-toting Americans.

NRA Praying for (on) Victims

 Isn't that special.

NRA Gloating Over the Carnage

 Take every win you can.

Supreme Court "Baby supply"

 Will abortion be overturned to provide more targets for gun enthusiasts and "hunters"? An appalling thought but it may be true.  Texas is the test site.  Good job, Longhorns.

Texas --- "It's time to die"

 They sell assault rifles to 18-year-olds 'cause God is a Texan and God love a good massacre.

Ted Cruz says that Doors don't Kill People

 people do.  He went to Harvard!  He knows doors.

School Shootings -- as American as Apple Pie!

 Buy another assault rifle to celebrate.

Baptist Groomers!

 For a good time, go to your local Baptist Church -- the satanic parties in the multipurpose room are the best!!!!

Putin to use one of his Apartments in Trump Tower

 as a hospice.  Trump will bring him cold compresses for his forehead and read the Bible during his last hours.  Trump will take over the war strategy for the Russian invasion of Ukraine.  Trump finally gets a war!

Ginni Thomas -- Lunatic

 Whispering in a Supreme Court Justice's ear.  Replacement needed.

Replacement Theory

 Its true.   Many whites need to be replaced.  But where to put them?

Evangelicals Love Putin

 He bombs everything.  He has Christian values.

Vic's Vaporub cures covid

 It also cures malaria, worms, and toe fungus.  Many Jan 6 insurgents rubbed it on their asses before assaulting the police.

This blog does not endorse all of the above uses of Vaporub.

Texas Executions

 Forced to let the inmate die listening to prayer?  Maybe gov Abbot can be there hitting the inmate with a rubber chicken or a Bible with thumbtacks pushed through the cover.  That would make Clarence Thomas very happy.

Dr. Phil explains Narcissism to Putin and Trump

 Trump goes off on a three-hour monologue.  Putin does 10,000 pushups.

Putin and Trump in Group Therapy

 Yes.  They will join a Narcissist Anonymous group.  Dr. Phil will facilitate.  Trump wants to televise and monetize, Putin does not.  More in posts to come.

Gov Abbot in the Alamo

 looking for Trump votes and nonbinary preschoolers.  Good luck.  Keep us safe.

Gov. Abbot will personally inspect the genitals

 of all suspected teens and preteens in Texas for signs of nonbinary activity.  We wish him well and God's speed.

If Trump Condemns Putin,

 Putin will release the videos and excite the Evangelicals!

Sell Oligarch Yachts to Televangelists

 Keep it in the corrupt community.

Trump wants to buy discounted real estate in Ukraine

 He's a genious!

Trump Praying for Russian Victory and Slaughter of Ukrainin People

 Actually, he's asking Evangelicals for money for his legal bills and asking them to pray for the slaughter, which is fake news.  Evangelicals also believe God sent Putin to do something.

Trump took his hit list to Mar a Lago

 He's still negotiating prices with the gunman.  He also has a poison kit from Putin to use.

Trump Receiving Payments from Putin

Line traitors up against a wall and ....give them a scholarship to Trump University.

Idiot Epidemic in Arizona

 Is the drinking water contaminated?  Maybe they need some foreign aid.

Trump Library

 It will be built in the D.C. sewer system.

Trump used White House Documents

 for toilet paper.  I don't see how the plumbing held up with all that paper moving toward the sewer.

Are Toddlers Shooting up Texas?

 Good job, gov.