Trump want "Merchant of Death" for campaign advisor

 He'll be one of the big guns.   Maybe he can get some of the KGB poison to use domestically.

Steve Bannon took a crap on the Oval Office Floor

 or was it a shit?

Justice Alito Moons his Critics

 He probably needs to air it out after sitting around for months.

Senator Hawley to get Shoe deal from Nike

 Everybody needs to run away sometime.  Why not have the best footwear?

Matt Gaetz will not have sex with Thumb-women!

 But he will have consenting sex with his thumb.

Steve Bannon goes Medieval

 That means he gets his head chopped off and hung on a fence in Washington DC.  We have to be tough on crime.

Josh Hawley -- Track Star

 Did he run track in school?