Matt Gaetz Should be a Preacher

 I think he would be a fine preacher if he could cry convincingly when he admits his sins in church.

Just keep repenting.  There is not limit.

Trump Will leave us with 100 trillion national debt

 Most of the money will go to his billionaire friends.  But that's what we voted for.

Vice President Musk to Become Trillionaire During Term

 I wish I could make that kind of money.  Pays one dollar in taxes!

Penny and Vance to Arm Wrestle at Army Navy Game

 The winner gets to belittle soldiers who have died in action and then have lunch with President Trump.

What Does Tulsi Gabbard Know About Assad's Drug Empire?

 What were her secret meetings about?  Just another day in Trump World.

Assad to Join Trump Administration

 They'll find something for him to do.

AI Denying Health Coverage Leading to Death

 Americans are in miserable health, many dying while healthcare executives are sailing around the world in their yachts.  Can AI help us out of the moral quandary?  (Who is programming the AI?)

Hegseth's Mother's Warning

 His treatment of women is exactly what qualifies him for the Trump administration.  Enough said.

Trump to Move Government Agencies to Ukraine

 Both the American and Russian Oligarchs approve  -- for a cut of the action.

Import Tariffs Will Go

 to Trump Family accounts.  The American people won't understand.  They'll say it's a conspiracy while counting on their fingers.  Joe Rogen will blame George Soros.  On it goes.

Gaetz on the Prowl for Teenage Girls

 Lock your daughters in their rooms, unless you want them to donate to the Republican and Evangelical cause.  God will bless you.

Trump and Sex Abuse

A history of sexual abuse is necessary to work in the Trump Administration and maintain support among Christian voters.  Thanks for the moral guidance. Shall we pray?

Trump Wants Gaetz's Address Book

 All those teenagers.  Trump has immunity and the Evangelicals would love it.

Trump University -- Bring it Back.

 You can get a PhD and teach in a university.  You don't need to know how to read!!!  Or you can invest in real estate and make millions!!!!!!

The possibilities are there especially with the Department of Education on the way out.

Department of Education -- Gone!

 Department of Grifting in!  The government budget will go through Trump's bank account!

Trump to Subpoena Arnold Palmer's Penis

He wants to look for signs of the second coming.

Trump Loves Arnold Palmer's Dick

 What would Trump do in the locker room?  Read the Bible, of course.  He's the darling of the Evangelicals who also love Arnold Palmer's dick.  God sent Trump to worship AP's dick.  Good work, Evangelicals.

Trump Paying of Supreme Court Justices

 Look under their beds for suitcases full of cash.

Trump in Gaza Selling Classified Documents

The art of the deal. 

Oklahoma to Keep Trump Underwear as Relic

 

Oklahoma to spend millions on a shrine to house a pair of Trump's underwear.  It is believed that Trump prayed in the underwear and millions were healed.  (Trump made a nice profit from the prayer)  Its a win win!

Trump Wrote the Bible

 He has replaced Jesus and has fulfilled the promise of the Rapture. He is also a good writer.

J D Vance watches Cat Porno

 He does not message in cat porn forums though, which is to his credit.

Trump to Build Resort in Area 51

 The resort will become a favorite for Evangelicals waiting for the Rapture.  Rapture UFO's will arrive and transport the saved out of the atmosphere where they will be pushed out of the UOs and into the hands of God.

Trump Will Become First Nude President

 Yes.  As savior, he will say that the Rapture demands his nudity.  Christians will also shed their clothes.  This could get ugly.  Brace yourself if you are not an Evangelical.

Trump Bitcoin -- Sell the Farm and Buy

 End up homeless with nothing but MAGA hat.

He'll be in court in 2027 charged with fraud.  MAGA people will say it's a conspiracy (of Dunces). 

J D Vance ate Haitians in Appalachia as a Child

 It was jerky so it's not a problem.  In any other form an apology would be required.

Trump Hates Haitians

Give him a break.  He has to unwind.  He can't eat hundreds of antacids every day.   He has moral immunity like all of his MAGA friends.  It's tough being a billionaire and having to save the world and direct the second coming of Christ.

Cat Meat is Served at Mar-a-lago

 Trump often serves cat meat when he's selling classified documents to foreign agents.

Trump Throws Tantrum (Rapture underway)

 While throwing tantrum, he filled his diaper.  Evangelicals believe it is a sign of the coming Rapture.

No Lifts!

Trump's great achievement.  Does he take viagra?  Isn't that a lift?

No School Shootings on Sundays!

 This proves that Christianity works!  Give your disturbed teenage son a bible and an assault rifle.  Take him to church. Everything will be as God wants it to be.

Trump Digs up Dead Soldiers at Arlington and Calls them Losers

 If you die in war, are you a loser?  He's a realtor, he should know.  No dead soldiers buried under Trump Towers.  Trump practices his speeches in rooms with dead soldiers.

Rapture News (2)

The news of RFK and dead animals need scrutiny for signs of the Rapture.   Drive carefully. 

RFK cuts head off of Dead Cat Lady

 Trump and J D watch.  J D defends decapitation.  He's a lawyer and author.

Trump took Shit at Arlington Cemetary

He thought he was at one of his golf courses.  Everybody's done in the bushes. Nature calls.

Don't die in war if you don't want the commander-in-chief to crap on your grave.

Trump Sues mt. Rushmore

 Why not?  he's not paying for the lawyers.

Project 2025 -- Trump Will enforce Shoe polish face on all kindergarteners

 This is too much project 2025.  Even with free visits to Mar-a-Lago and a chance to give Russian spies classified documents, it should be pay as you go.  

RFK -- shoe polish face

 Maybe it's bear grease.

Trump uses full body makeup -- you should too!

 We've tried it here at Pat's bog.  Can't recommend it enough.

Trump and RFK use the same brand of shoe polish on their face.

J D Vance Fought in the Civil War

 He fought bravely and killed thousands of Yankees.   Give him an assault rifle and see what he can do.

Trump Sues His Bone Spurs

 He believes they are fake, yet defamatory. He believes Jesus had bone spurs.  Trump has been given Jesus's bone spurs and will be crucified soon on one of his golf courses. Trump will scream, the crucfixicton was stolen by a bunch of losers!

Vance Fought in WW1

 He fought in the trenches.  He inhaled great volumes of mustard gas to save his comrades!  He's a hot dog.

Trump's Bone Spurs Bring on the Rapture

 The spurs have spread from his feet to his head.  He's had a podiatrist on staff since the Vietnam War trying to stop the spread.  Trump may need a brain transplant soon.  Please pray for him.  Hold your Bible upright and look out the window.

Vance Credits Trump with the Ressurection of Christ

 Trump crucified our Lord -- Loser! -- the Resurrected Christ and gave him a week golf pass at one of his pitch and put courses.

Demolition Ranch

 Is that the organic farm outside Austen?

Sniper World Record!

 Must make some family proud.  Our little Johnny blew the bad guy's brains out from twenty miles away!

Should Teachers be Able to Mine Their Classrooms?

 Yes.  But the charge should require no more than a foot amputation.  We don't want to run up health care costs.  Civil War amputations with saws could be part of a history unit celebrating the Confederacy.

Shooting a student after their foot has been blown off is not very Christian.  Read the bible and if they don't repent or convert, then shoot them.

Mass Shooting -- Definition

Four or more people are shot.  This is the country you live in.  God help us. 

Hunter Biden Shoots Fifty People in a Walmart

He is charged for inaccurate paperwork but given a lifetime membership in the NRA. 

Trump Supporters to Wear Underwear inside out to protest Conviction

 They will also read their Bibles backward and stick hotdogs in their assault rifles (to snack on later when they are firing them in church).

If Trump Went Insane -- How would Anyone Know?

 He would have to blaspheme Christianity.

Trump Buying Poison from Putin

 It's for gardening!

Trump Selling Classified Documents to Pay for Lawyers

 The documents are his to do whatever he wants with them including using them for toilet paper at Mara-Lego.

Rapture News

 Trump is in discussion with Jesus, God, and the Holy Ghost.  Trump does not want the Rapture to occur while he is alive.

George Soros Bribing Trump Jury this Weekend

 He's offered them more money than Trump.  There's a bidding war.  Trump is offering the jurors autographed Bibles and photos of him mounting Stormy Danials!!!   Judge Thomas wants a piece of the action.  It's a moral quandary.   What would you do?

Trump -- Just Say No

 

The great wisdom Nancy Reagon got from her Psychic.

When around strippers -- Just say no. Paying for their Silence -- just say no.  When you see an attractive woman -- say no to grabbing their crotch.   The list goes on forever.

Putin Will Carry Trump's Golf Clubs

and poison his enemies.  They're buds. Kissing cousins. 

Trump Media Loses 300 Million

 Just beg MAGA for more money.  We need a government department that bails Trump out of debt.  Very democratic and Capitalism 101.

Trump Craps in a Sand Trap (bear in woods)

 Hundreds of Republican hopefuls surround the trap taking home movies and announcing their loyal attendance.  It would make a nice video to show at Christmas after the presents have been opened and prayers have mentioned Trump, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Judge Alito Needs Cash from a Republican Billionaire

 That's the only pacification for Supreme Court Justices, ask Judge Thomas.  If Trump wins, he'll send wheelbarrows of cash to the conserevative justices.

Stand Your Ground in Texas -- Bang Bang

 I feel cranky today.  If I was in Texas, I go out and shoot someone.  Maybe I'll relocate in Texas. Good football and good shooting.

100 Hour Banker Work Week

 Getting all the money to the top ten percent and even more to the top one percentile takes work.  Somebody's got to do it.  I tried but it didn't work out.

RFK's Brain Worm

 Many Americans in power suffer from Brain Eating Worms.  The country is run by victims of BEW.

Maybe mandatory brain scans are in order for the rich and powerful.  If they fail, the fun will begin.

Please Help Giuliani Count His Money

 No one will help him and he's forgotten which mattress he's hidden it under.  Republican billionaires

step up and do the right thing.

Who Else did Kristi Noem Shoot?

 Shooting dogs will appeal to MAGA voters.  Not as much as shooting progressives. 

There's a lot of room in the Dakotas to bury bodies.  Do the police practice forensics there?

These are a few of the many questions that need to be asked.

The Supreme Court is Moving to Mar-a-Lago

 This blog confirms the speculation.  All the units are spacious when it is time for loans and cramped when it is time for tax appraisal. The law is difficult but someone has to do it.

All documents will be stored in the thousands of Mar-a-Lago bathrooms.  If you need to use one, just put the boxes outside then return them when you are done.  Light a match if necessary.

All Americans should thank Mr. Trump.

Trump Will Call in the Rapture -- SOON!

 He will make the call when the court is in recess.  Be ready.

Senator Cotton and Lynching

 If you are going to throw protestors into the water, you might consider lynching as a humane alternative. 

Drowning is unpleasant.    Lynching would be a restoration of values.  If not lynching, the guillotine.  They are leftists after all.  The heads could be examples of depravity used in Arkansas schools and churches.  Remember the churchgoers at lynchings with the word of God in their hearts?

Hunting tags are another alternative. The protesters could be shot from the bridge and bass fishing boats could be used to tag and bag.  Why have the Second Amendment if you can't shoot the people you don't like?

 

Trump's Makeup (nonbinary?)

 Can't a guy have a tube of orange face cream, nylons, and panties?  Trump is nonbinary.

Mississippi to Starve Chilldren

 The choice was to grind them up for dog food or let them starve.  Of course, preachers will be on hand to make sure that the Lord is praised at all times.

LSU to Hang Athletes

 This blog thinks hanging for failure to listen to the anthem is extreme.  Maybe the amputation of a hand like a thief in Saudi Arabia would be the right punishment.  What are your thoughts?

Donald Trump Praying

 Is like a hobo crapping in a vacant lot.

Jesus Tells Trump What to Say

 Jesus advises Trump on his business decision.  Jesus spends his days lying on top of a big Mike Lindell Pillow pumping the Holy Ghost into Maga world like millions of blowup dolls.

Trump selling Jesus Golf Shirts

 The shirts have authentic blood stains from the Crucifiction.  The shirts are made in China.

NBC to Hire Tommy Tuberville

 Sen. Tuberville will diagram quarterback sneaks on political talk shows.

Help Trump

 Sell your homes and live on the street.  Take fentanyl and get weird diseases, like QAnon.   Trump would do it for you.

Keep Your Filthy Hands off Trump Tower

 Right.  It's probably full of tax cheats and Oligarchs.  Will Trump have to play on public golf courses with his MAGA buddies?

Trump Drinks Rudy's Hair Dye

 He thinks it's like Diet Coke.  He also uses it like soy sauce.

Guiliani in Heaven

 He will get to deflower virgins without dripping hair dye in their eyes.  If Trump doesn't get them first.

Trump Fundraisers Near You

 

Farmers! Sell Your Farms and Help Trump in his TIME OF NEED

Trump needs your help.  Soon there will be a Pat's Bog Trump Relief Fund.  Sell your farms now and wait for instructions.  Trump will repay you with interest!!!!!!

Trump will put you up in one of his properties until you can find work.

Mike Lindell has Proof that the Earth is Flat

 He was walking to his car and he realized that he didn't go uphill or downhill.  Satan and the democrats are responsible for the idea of round.   Remember Flat Stanley!

Aaron Rodgers and Sandy Hook

 CTE.  Hope he doesn't end up in Walmart with an assault rifle.

Clearance Thomas to Loan Trump 500 million

 Judge Thomas has more than enough cash in his luxury trailer where he hides the allowance he gets from right-wing billionaires.

10.5 Million Immigrants have been flown into the US on Private Jets and UFOs

 The project has been funded by Hollywood Actor Pederasts, although Judge Thomas's luxury RV

(corrupt unreported gift) has been stolen and used to bring in an additional 965,975 illegals.

Castrating Ugandan Politician Denied Visa

 If Trump was president, he would welcome her with a state dinner, castrate hundreds of homosexuals, eat the oysters, and give the politician classified documents to sell on the open market. Millions of MAGA Evangelicals would jump up and down biting their tongues.

Tuberville -- a small town for morons

 Can't someone find him a middle school coaching job?  Imagine him giving a pre-game speech hoping most of his team ends up in prison.

Mexico City Water

 Elong Musk can turn dirt into water and wine, one beverage better than Jesus.

Musk can also turn plastic waste into topsoil.

Alabama Judges

Do they wear overalls?  Do they have teeth?  Are they members of QAnon?  Do they have vast gun rooms full of assault rifles?

I know, cheap shots.