Jesus Tells Trump What to Say

 Jesus advises Trump on his business decision.  Jesus spends his days lying on top of a big Mike Lindell Pillow pumping the Holy Ghost into Maga world like millions of blowup dolls.

Trump selling Jesus Golf Shirts

 The shirts have authentic blood stains from the Crucifiction.  The shirts are made in China.

NBC to Hire Tommy Tuberville

 Sen. Tuberville will diagram quarterback sneaks on political talk shows.

Help Trump

 Sell your homes and live on the street.  Take fentanyl and get weird diseases, like QAnon.   Trump would do it for you.

Keep Your Filthy Hands off Trump Tower

 Right.  It's probably full of tax cheats and Oligarchs.  Will Trump have to play on public golf courses with his MAGA buddies?

Trump Drinks Rudy's Hair Dye

 He thinks it's like Diet Coke.  He also uses it like soy sauce.

Guiliani in Heaven

 He will get to deflower virgins without dripping hair dye in their eyes.  If Trump doesn't get them first.

Trump Fundraisers Near You

 

Farmers! Sell Your Farms and Help Trump in his TIME OF NEED

Trump needs your help.  Soon there will be a Pat's Bog Trump Relief Fund.  Sell your farms now and wait for instructions.  Trump will repay you with interest!!!!!!

Trump will put you up in one of his properties until you can find work.

Mike Lindell has Proof that the Earth is Flat

 He was walking to his car and he realized that he didn't go uphill or downhill.  Satan and the democrats are responsible for the idea of round.   Remember Flat Stanley!

Aaron Rodgers and Sandy Hook

 CTE.  Hope he doesn't end up in Walmart with an assault rifle.

Clearance Thomas to Loan Trump 500 million

 Judge Thomas has more than enough cash in his luxury trailer where he hides the allowance he gets from right-wing billionaires.

10.5 Million Immigrants have been flown into the US on Private Jets and UFOs

 The project has been funded by Hollywood Actor Pederasts, although Judge Thomas's luxury RV

(corrupt unreported gift) has been stolen and used to bring in an additional 965,975 illegals.

Castrating Ugandan Politician Denied Visa

 If Trump was president, he would welcome her with a state dinner, castrate hundreds of homosexuals, eat the oysters, and give the politician classified documents to sell on the open market. Millions of MAGA Evangelicals would jump up and down biting their tongues.