J D Vance watches Cat Porno

 He does not message in cat porn forums though, which is to his credit.

Trump to Build Resort in Area 51

 The resort will become a favorite for Evangelicals waiting for the Rapture.  Rapture UFO's will arrive and transport the saved out of the atmosphere where they will be pushed out of the UOs and into the hands of God.

Trump Will Become First Nude President

 Yes.  As savior, he will say that the Rapture demands his nudity.  Christians will also shed their clothes.  This could get ugly.  Brace yourself if you are not an Evangelical.

Trump Bitcoin -- Sell the Farm and Buy

 End up homeless with nothing but MAGA hat.

He'll be in court in 2027 charged with fraud.  MAGA people will say it's a conspiracy (of Dunces). 

J D Vance ate Haitians in Appalachia as a Child

 It was jerky so it's not a problem.  In any other form an apology would be required.

Trump Hates Haitians

Give him a break.  He has to unwind.  He can't eat hundreds of antacids every day.   He has moral immunity like all of his MAGA friends.  It's tough being a billionaire and having to save the world and direct the second coming of Christ.

Cat Meat is Served at Mar-a-lago

 Trump often serves cat meat when he's selling classified documents to foreign agents.

Trump Throws Tantrum (Rapture underway)

 While throwing tantrum, he filled his diaper.  Evangelicals believe it is a sign of the coming Rapture.

No Lifts!

Trump's great achievement.  Does he take viagra?  Isn't that a lift?

No School Shootings on Sundays!

 This proves that Christianity works!  Give your disturbed teenage son a bible and an assault rifle.  Take him to church. Everything will be as God wants it to be.