My neighbor is a communist

 He mowed his lawn. I could tell.

Thousands of Evangelicals drop Dead and will miss the Rapture

 Trump said the word "f..k" (We are too ashamed to print it in full).

Mississippi executes 79 year old man

 Mississippi, thanks for your patience and service.  The world is in a better place now.

Bunker busters -- Don't make them like they used to.

 Why not send thousands of armed MAGA militias to the sites in Iran?  They can take their millions of assault rifles and just shoot the shit out of the nuclear facility buried in the mountain.  Eeeeehawwww!

Trump to Build McDonalds on Rose Garden Site

 Any President bombing another country deserves hamburgers on demand.

Operation Midnight Hamburger -- a resounding Success!

 Trump at 3 cheesburgers,

Trump Eats a Hamburger While We Bomb Iran

 He also had fries and a Diet Coke while Rome burned.  Trump burped and thought about the reporter who asked a mean question at his press conference.  That's not fair.  The reporter should thrown out of a window like Putin does to his opposition. 

Vance Boelter Victim of Communist Brain Washing

 Vance was abducted by a Communist UFO and returned, brainwashed, and supplied with weapons.  This could happen to you.  Fill your pockets with fish bait.  Communists hate the smell.  Pray with a dead fish near your bible. 

Could Congress Flush One Toilet

Yes.  It would take some negotiating and staff meetings,  but when the smell got too bad, a take-charge congressman or woman would flush it.  Conspiracies would follow quickly.  It was a communist shit.

Trump Taking Council from French Speaking Chimp

 They play golf.  The chimp is disquised as a preacher.

Trump Hearing Voices

 Is he armed? Does he have a list?  Most of the voices are his but it can't be good.

Trump to Pardon Vance Boelter

 Vance's treatment will be unfair.  He's really a nice guy. 

Ten Million People Watched Trump's Army Parade

 It was a thrilling spectacle.  Stalin is rolling over in his ...  is he buried or embalmed and stored at Mar-a-Lago?

Trump to Bomb Tesla Plants

 He will send DOGE thugs to beat up escaping employees.

Guatemalan Man Returned For Store Credit

One of his kidneys was harvested and sold.  The money was diverted to the Trump family.

Botox is leaking into Krsity Noem's Brain

 Pray for her.  Send money for a drain.

Trump Administration Trafficking Children

 They take immigrant children out of their homes and only God knows what they do with them.  It must be good because they are mostly Christian.  I hope they are not eating them.