Kash Patel is a Good Beer Drinker

 Qualified!  Maybe drink at a local bar within walking distance.

Trump Will be on Hospital Boat to Greenland

 He will be on vacation and will play golf at one of Greenland's many golf courses.

Tarrif Refunds

 They will go to billionaires because of the increased cost of sex trafficking.  Why have all that money

if you can't have any fun?

Trump to Seek Asylum in Venezuela

 He likes their diapers and hamburgers.  There is no extradition for underage sex.

Snorting Cocaine off of Toilet Seats

 Qualified to work inthe Trump Administration.

Bad Bunny Scares Trump -- He Poops His Pants

 I saw a bad bunny hiking and had an accident too.  This needs to be addressed by ICE with a 

Bad Bunny Fast Response Team.

White House Drains are Full of Diapers

 A plumber snakes out the drains on a weekly basis.  This is an outrage.

Trump Trades Bitcoin and Oil Painting (portrait of himself fighting in Vietnam) for Nobel Medal

 Now he can retire with 1000 boxes of classified documents to sell on eBay.

The Devil was Grunting in Trump's Throat

 He was trying to get out.  No worries.

Trump to go-fund-me money for replica Nobel Prize

ICE agents assigned to mall parking lots -- to shoot drivers parking

 You might want to take a bus to the mall and wear MAGA clothing and hats.  ICE agents need to let off steam once in a while.

Trump Dancing -- Cute!!!

 His little hands move around.  His brains and pee are sloshing in their respective bags. We're in good hands.

Trump to Rename Venezuela -- Trumpezuela

MAGA volunteers will remove all the wealth from the country and take it to Mar-a-Lago and adjacent storage units. Great addition to the Trump family empire.