Scarcity--Lethal Injection Drug

The scarcity of lethal injection drugs are responsible for the increased production costs of microwave popcorn. The prisoners are not able to die nor are they able to have a bag of microwave popcorn for their final snack. This seems to me to be cruel and unusual punishment.

There is a long pop corn tradition on death row. Before microwave popcorn, kindly guards would make pop corn on a hot plate and slide it on paper plates into the cells. At times all that could be heard from death row was the sound of chewed popcorn. With the availability of microwave popcorn, the guards could make and deliver popcorn with greater efficiency.

Now guards have gone back to pans and hot plates to keep the popcorn tradition alive.

Moammar Kardashian

Maommar Kardashian was found dead Monday morning March 21. Mr. Kardashian was found bundled in a pile of Butyl backed paint tarps. Police said that Mr. Kardashian struggled in the tarps, but asphyxiated before he could free himself. Foul play has not been ruled out. Alcohol was found at the job site.

The investigation is ongoing.

Moammar Kadhafi's Tailor

The CIA must immediately render Moammar Kadhafi's tailor to a safe country and then to the United States. It may be that the tailor works with a fashion designer. Let's just say that the fashion team must be brought to the United states to refashion the Supreme Court. Then they can move on to the Congress and the Titans of the Fortune Five Hundred.

We will then be able to live under a highly costumed ruling class.

Capitalism Will Fail

(Site Under Construction by Students of the Academy of Art)

Capitalism will fail from its internal comatose flarf poets, contravestites, crematoriums, consulates, corn nut hedging coupons, coagulates, covered wagons leaving Manhattan, corn dog derivatives, combustion engine (weed whacker!), bare cupboard (See Mother Hubbard), Chinese earth-devouring factories, irreversible commercial cretinization and subcretinization, creative writing programs, children provided for by adults, cutting Bernie Madoff's expense account, caterwauling spiral, Crucifixions outsourced...

Love in a Big Box

Unfortunately, I had to spend more time than anyone would want to in Home Depot restroom. I stayed longer because of a beautiful heartfelt voice, a woman's voice, singing to me. I thought she was in the next stall -- as improbable as that might sound. Then I thought she had taken over the public address system and was going to meet me at check out in a gown, backless and sheer.

There was no such singer at Home Depot, she'd moved on to Lowes. She lured me on through Garden, lumber, hardware, etc. She all but followed me home and sang again on call waiting as I was trying to order something from Office Depot. I gave her my phone number and told her to call me. We agreed to meet at the local 24 Hour Fitness, actually twelve hours.

She was singing there too. She was singing to a row of old fat guys in work clothes on Exercycles. We -- to the man -- looked moon struck and delusional.

Nuclear Power Executives

Yes, they do feel sorry for the people of Japan. But they feel sorrier for themselves and their net worth. By now they've talked to their Public Relations people about how to resell radiation. How can it be made warm and fuzzy? How can the reactor down the street look like Disneyland? What blowhards can be bought off to endorse radiation.

If only Charlton Heston were alive. He could wander through the woods firing hand guns blathering on about the second amendment and the right to leak radiation into a crowded theatre.