Stockholm Syndrome American Style

We live in a giant vault with a few billionaires. Over time they have convinced us that they have our interests in mind. Their interests are our interests. They care deeply about us and we should care about them. If we follow their advice, we will have our billion too. I can't wait.

Poligimist Leader Controls Mitt Romney from Prison

Mr. Warren Jeffs is controlling Mitt Romney from Prison. Mr. Jeffs uses visitors to pass on policy to Mr. Romney's advisers. Mr. Jeffs was recently caught talking on the phone to the Romney camp and lost phone privileges for 90 days.

The Romney camp denies receiving counselling from Mr. Jeffs, but there are witnesses waiting to come forward when their security is secured.

City on the Hill

Soldiers urinating on the dead enemy? Presidential hopefuls speaking French instead of speaking English poorly! Merde!

Boris Yeltsin Alive in Palm Springs

Boris Yeltsin has been sighted in the Palm Springs area. It is believed that he visits mineral baths in the area. The aged and reclusive Yeltsin is believed to live in the greater Palm Springs area in a trailer park. He may have attended Betty Ford to recovering from his alcohol addiction.

The sighting will probably end Yeltsin's final reclusive years and expose him to a curious press and hostile parties from Russia. There are also rumors that Yeltsin has left the area for the mineral baths of the deep south.

Peppering the Countryside with Gibbets of Hanged Peasants

The good old days? Good thing thugs and terrorists and state sanctioned torturers don't read outside their areas of expertise.

Carmen Tisch and the CIA

The CIA plans to use the Tisch defacement model to go after the Taliban. Female agents will back into a compound -- exposed -- and attack the suspects. Cost analysis is very favorable in light of a more cost effective military.

Gymnasts are being recruited because they can assume the skunk firing position and easily dispose of the target, then right themselves in full dress with burka and leave the area unmolested.

In this weapon model the abstract factor is not accounted for. Many senior analysts poopoo the need for visual aids. Further research is planned after trial runs in more accessible mountain regions and from the Tribal areas of Pakistan. Keep reading for updates.

Tisch's Tush on the Still

Can't wait to hear her explanation. Did the Rorschach quality of the abstraction drive her to relieve herself? My bladder remained unmoved by the virtual Still.

The owners of original art tend to freak out when painting(house painting)has to be done anywhere near the painting. Was Carmen Tisch a house painter gone bad? Did she ever date a house painter or roofer? Does she have house painters or performance artists in the family?

Bush.

Tim Tebow and Blood and Brains on the Wall

Unfortunately, someone is going to get killed over Tim Tebow and God. Someone's going to say the wrong thing. There's going to be an arguement and the defender of Tebow (and God) is going for their piece, the RPG, their bazooka and blow someone's head off. You know this psycho in a football jersey. You know it's going to happen and you know the moral banality that is going to follow.




















































The goatherd found the computer hard drive tht had been stolen from Microsoft. Kim Kardashian has synthetic armpit implants. Flarf poets are boycotting Aunt Jemima because an executive there gave a large grant to an unnamed Language Poet who promptly bought into a timeshare condo in Aspen.

Buddhism, Death and Skip-Troweled Sheetrock

At lunch over the paint bucket, Seamus, back from Thailand, said that Buddhism was a good way to die. Seamus had been a monk for six months and has come to the conclusion that the levels of awakening and end of formations (whatever the hell that is) all lead to a quiet death. Just a quiet death. That brought about an extended moment of silence.

Across the bucket, Artie began talking absentmindedly about the best skip-troweled patch he's ever done. The image doesn't leave his mind, he says. He can see the perfect patch like a map of an enormous world that hasn't been completely explored --land mass after land mass.

So I usually don't drink at lunch. And I didn't. But there is a wine bar down the street and I thought seriously about sneaking off for a glass of red wine and a contemplation of a peaceful death in some unknown country ... Artie's imaginary worlds on a wall.