618 Kardashian Buttock Sweling

One Kardashian buttock is swelling and threatening the block the Rapture for an indefinite amount of time, at least as long as we've been waiting -- 2000 years.  A missile is being assembled in the back country of a Southern state.  The missile is designed to puncture the buttock and release the route the Rapture will follow if it has not fallen victim to entropy.  Entropy is not Biblical but if one waits long enough it wins.

This deflated buttocks could cause mass death.

619 Kardashian Body Blocking Rapture Egress

This is the latest report from Rapture Central, delayed until after the Olympic closing ceremonies.  Rapture scientists believed that pressure will build from below and the congealed mass will break away with an enormous upward propulsion.  The Raptureload may overshoot its target.

620 Pink Eye in Rapture

Pink eye is spreading throughout the Rapture.  Most Rapturians wont know where they are going. 
Yes, the Rapture has begun.  If you see people jerking upward like marionettes they are early entrants in the Rapture.

622-621 Matt Lauer Will Leave for the Rapture Early

I'm only reporting what my sources bring to me.  I cannot vouch for them.  A simulacrum make replace Mr. Lauer on the news.  Look for a stiff upper lip.

623 The Real Housewives of the Rapture

I like the idea.  There's not much of a plot. The morality leading up to the Rapture is boring and the special effects of the Rapture will get boring after a few episodes.

624 Texas! Wake Up!

Iran is executing more people than you are.  Get with it.

625-627 Cher's Mother Skills

Yes, Cher's mothering skills will be revealed shortly after the Rapture.  How's your baby bump?

The misspelling of Justin in a previous post was the work of the Bieber camp hacking into this blog.