Bailout Ideas

1. The money could be used to build a series of Resorts with golf courses. (Hire Don Trump!) The resorts, though, would be built in Iraq, Afghanistan and the tribal areas of Pakistan. Fallen Wall Street types could hide out there as an alternative to jail time.

2. Start another war. Invade a country like Yemen or Somilia. Sarah Palin could practice foreign policy on a third front. Establish a democracy and rebuild the civic institutions and physical infrastructure. Sarah Palin could stand on top of a dead moose and declare "mission acomplished."

Troops could rotate out of Iraq and Afghanistan and rest on our third front, play golf in one of our bailout resorts.

3. Just give the money to the 800 most corrupt, greedy, ordinary-person-hating, elite-university-nation-destroying businessmen and be done with the country as we know it. One billion each, but they have to leave and live like third world dictators.

Financial Instruments

My favorite financial instrument is the backing of a truck up to the vault. Not that this is what Wall Street has done. (Check security cameras!) In the New Yorker a number of years ago, someone is sent to Saddam's vault to haul away pallets of hundred dollar bills.

Sarah Palin and Disbelief

Sarah Palin does not believe in the following:

1. Gravity
2. Photosynthesis
3. The water cycle
4. Dinosaurs
5. The Equator
6. Respiratory System
7. Light Years
8. The Moon Walk (Should have shot a moose instead of hit a golf ball)

More to follow as my Alaskan stringers respond.

A Real Maverick

I'm a real maverick, aren't you?

Well, maybe not. I'm thinking about the pilots who flew over Viet Nam, dumped their load, then had cocktails at distant airfields. All those dead peasants still bother me -- villages lighting up with Napalm.

Like the planners of the war in Iraq, I had other things to do and didn't serve. Don't respond, I will not press my maverick status. The word is kind of idiotic, if not geriatric. Like theatre in an assisted living community.

Sarah Palin and Pitbulls

Before I lock on to the subject and have to be shot by the local police and as I bleed to death with the banal subject in my mouth -- like the neighbor's Lab -- I want to acknowledge that this is a dumb subject even for blogs that no one reads.


I've observed that pit bull owners are usually short males who have a real or imaginary connection with the criminal justice system -- they have been in jail, have family in jail or want to appear tough by having a tough dog. I've judged (unscientifically) the average pit bull owner to be 5' 8" tall and fond of baseball caps worn backwards.

Sarah Palin's as a self described pitbull along with the images of a moose, hockey, gay conversion rallies and Jews for Jesus are jarring. These images temporarily threw me off my study. (Think of bird watching.) Fortunately, I saw three 5" 5" guys with backwards baseball caps and a pit bull walking through the strip mall to their small 4wheel drive truck. They were not wearing lipstick. They had cases of Bud Lite. This is more of what I had in mind.

President Bush's Presidential Library

The time is at hand to think about the President's library. Please send ideas and comments to the library committee. I will send the following and update this post as new material is available:

1. The library should be housed in one of the Eastern European CIA prisons for rendered terror suspects.

2. The picture book the President was reading during the 9/11 attack should have its own wing.

3. All material not classified or held by the courts during trials should be watermarked in honor of water boarding.