Not so fast. Newt will cut a deal with the Satan. In secret negotiations Newt will (for both an unnamed asset and future considerations) work as a consultant for Satan when he returns to Earth in 2014 to announce his Candidacy for President.
What the public will not know is that Newt will acquire considerable debt to a "foreign power." By doing so, Newt will compromise his integrity and his allegiance to our country. What will be the agenda of his debt-based foreign policy?
Finally and most painfully and as any cynic would have already guessed, Newt will have several affairs in hell, one leading to marriage. Will he bring that wife back to earth? Children may be involved, but as on earth, children in hell do not really matter.
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