Mormon Tabernacle Choir Sings for Trump

They've found an Anglican song about "crotch grabbing."  It's lovely and with all the voices gives an electoral weight to the slight of hand.  (Fake News from Russian Source)

Evil Empire Takes Office in Trump Tower

That Putin is sharp as a tack.

Trump: Putin's Lap Dog

More like a pitbull on a chain guarding a meth lab.  I hope Vladdy likes Big Mac's!

Rev. Jerry Falwell meets with Steven Seagall

They've been in secret meetings to invest in Trump Hotels/Psychiatric Hospitals stretching from Eastern Europe to Syria.  Some golf course are planned.  (Fake News)

Trump Nukes East Jerusallem

While eating a hamburger, President Trump ordered the nuking of East Jerusalem to remove any threat against Israel.  (Fake News.  He really at a taco salad and watching Survivor.  "Look at the fat $%#@&%")

Shopping Riots! Rev. Jerry Falwell

Another sign of the Orange messiah's return as prayed for by Dr. Falwell.

Jerry Falwell Jr. and Shopper Theology!

With the Orange-haired second coming on the calendar, Pastor Falwell has observed shoppers everywhere doing God's work, buying stuff!  Dr. Falwell's vision suggests ideas to be addressed by the curriculum of Liberty University.

A study of earthly and heavenly shopping.  Better deals in heaven?


Is Walmart high end enough for heaven?

Is there high end in heaven?

Is there a need to shop in heaven? Buying luxury items that have no purpose or multiples like many smart phones.

Is Amazon Prime a better model for heaven.  The elect will spend a lot of time at the buffet and not gain weight.  They can get their stuff sent to them by Prime and not miss an entree.

Bullying.  How would Jesus bully?

If someone is a loser in earthly life (the meek) will they be a loser in heaven?

Bullying and turning the other cheek?  Aporia or just Wimpcity?

Can Losers make it through the Pearly Gates?  Is there conversion therapy for them?

A nonpracticing homosexual can enter heaven.  Will Christian rednecks be allowed to beat them up even if the beating doesn't hurt?  It's the thought that counts.

Will the act of holding a credit card replace the Eucharist?  Is that too Catholic?  What's real shopping anyway?  A perenial if I've ever seen one.

How would Jesus advise on groping women's crotches?  Will there be a certain number of virgins for each groper?  Will the virgin's feelings be considered, if there are feelings in heaven.

This is meant to get the discussion going now that the 2000 year wait is over as Dr. Falwell is shrewdly noted, by subtle indirection of course.

Steven Seagal and Donald Trump

They both have mad cow disease and will be treated in Russia in the coming months.  Trump will sell Camp David to Putin or trade it for a Dacha.

Trump Has Mad Cow Disease!

Too many big mac's.  Not fake news.

Send President Letters of Praise so He Feels Good About Himself

That way he won't start WW3 think its a wrestling match.  He's not very well informed.  Don't tell him that.

Xmas Card from Putin

I got one to.  He's a nice Christian like President Trump.

Rex Tillerson Donates Exxon Shares to the Poor

Fake News!

Donald Trump Tries to Read the Bill of Rights

but falls asleep.  When he wakes up, he finishes his hamburger.

Call Girls -- Trump's Cabinet Needs Call Girls

Billionaire call girls to run departments like agriculture, housing etc.  We need some diversity.  Not just old white guy billionaires.

Disbanding Thoughts and Rebranding Prayers

I think this is very important, unlike some of the others.

Redacted Thoughts and Bowdlerized Prayers

Maybe spellcheck did me in like it did our child genius president who knows everything but is weak on attention span, especially when he is eating a hamburger and watching a game show.  He has leather bound volumes of National Enquirer when he needs inspiration.

Slam Thoughts and Bam Prayers

I'd say, stand back.  Let things take their course.  You can expect miracles but may have to settle for a small return on your taxes, unless you in the 1%.

President Trump's Ginormous Duck Lips

Within a year of President Trumps presidency he will develop Duck Lips.  He will be unintelligible. The Russians will be blamed but nothing will be done.  President will undergo reduction surgery in Moscow and will resume his presidency, a changed man.

What Will Trump Give Putin for Christmas?

They both have a lot of stuff but maybe they still delight in getting things.   Who can measure appetite?

Americans in Siberian Prisons

Soon Americans will spend their jail time in Privatized Siberian labor camps.  Free markets always do things better.

Learn Russian

Russian will soon be taught in public schools as the US becomes a client state of Russia.

Putin for Secretary of State!

Why not!

8 Billion People

Listen up!  What do you need?  Get in line. No shoving.

Bob Dole puts out Feelers for WW3

Thanks Bob for your effort.  Did you consult the George Bush on how to bungle foreign policy and spend trillions of dollars with an appalling result?

Enter Your Thoughts and Prayers then Brace Yourself

or something like that.  Maybe you've led an ordinary life and are waiting for a job mowing one of President Trumps lawns.  Non-union please.

What Thoughts and Prayers Look Like Today is Unbelievable

So is there net worth. Shocking and less effecting.  You have to admit.

Voter Fraud in 50 States!

Yes.  If there were 100 states, there would be voter fraud in all of them.  Massive terrific disastrous fraud.  Every single vote was fraudulent. It's a disaster.

Scam Thoughts and Recounted Prayers

Be patient.  Our team is cranking these out as fast as we can.

Legacy Thoughts and Prayers

Legacy occupies a lot of space and the world is getting crowded, if you hadn't noticed.  But with each additional billion in population, things keep getting better.  As Home Depot says, "more buying more doing," or something like that.

Trump University

Model for high education?

Fake News (Right Here!)

Donald Trump cares about the unemployed.  Imagine a long article written by one of his hacks.

Scam Thoughts and Rigged Prayers

The themes keep repeating.  Maybe they are true?

Spraying Protesters with Freezing Water

Trickle Down in Action.

Trump Gives Twitter Account to White Nationalists

Making up news is fun.

Why Mock Trump?

He will be able to get away with almost anything.  He is above the law.  It just excites the Klan.

Slam Thoughts, Bam Prayers

Thank yous are optional and contextual.

Melania's AWAY, Donald Will PLAY!

Probably not, but he seems to get away with anything.

Refusal to Apologize -- Waterboarding!

Unless he's counting his money or reading the National Enquirer to develop his foreign policy.

Trump Makes Billions as President

Red states thrilled to remain jobless.  Claim that the Lord told them poverty was good, they desereved it.  Plenty of Oxycontin though as kind of a Eucharist.

Pense Hides in Bomb Shelter

after being booed.  Or maybe Trump is in bomb shelter.

Trump Uses Drone to Bomb Theatre

to set an example.  Colleges and Elementary schools are next.  No harm to foul.

Pense Booing

Go to Klan square dances in the Bible Belt if you want applause.

Plant ISIL in the Bible Belt

Yes, plant ISIL soldiers and operatives in the Bible Belt.  Let them get a head start on clandestine operations.  By doing this we can continue to have an enemy and not have the expense of creating one in another part of the world.  In other words, it will be more cost effective.  There will be room in the budget for infrastructure projects, especially if ISIL blows them up.  And it will give the thousands of assault rifle owners a chance to use their weapons.

Melania Trump can be Dressed by WalMart in Solidarity with Trump Constituency

She should look like the people at Trump rallies when they go to church.

Fiery General...More Dead Young Men

Defending Sand and oil we no longer need.  Who'd have thought.
And they will help the Soviets take back their empire so President Trump
can build golf courses!

Donald Trump and Pete Seeger Sing

"We Shall Overcome" in one of  Mr.Trump's hotels.  It's quite moving for Mr. Trump.

White Militias in the Lincoln Bedroom

They may not wish to sleep in the same bed.  Maybe field cots can be brought in.  They can scope liberal protesters from the White house roof.

Mannequin Challenge

I can't hold my pose because I see Steve Bannon's nose.  Its the same color as the Devil's $#@.

New York Times and Trump

Mr. Trump, your supports don't read the New York Times.  Have another hamburger.

Net Worth Thoughts and Speechless Prayers

Its an advertising wasteland.  It takes so much time to navigate the site that I forget to buy any of the fraudulent products.

Trump Can't Transition

Can he even chew his own hamburgers?!

Klan Room at the Whitehouse

There will be a room for Klan members to change in and out of their robes.

Trump Defects to Russia and Becomes Oligarch

Don't you wish.

Ultimate Jaw Dropping

This is not to be believed.  Pictures to follow.

"Rock" Thoughts and "Hard Place" Prayers

They kind of go together don't you think.  Who had giddy playful prayers?

Groper Elite

Wow.  The elite good ol boys get to do whatever they want.

Shredded Thoughts and Reconstituted Prayers

Almost done with this series.  It's a big job though.

Aliens Assail Donald Trump

Small aliens are assembling at the border and in the hinterlands of America to attack Donald Trump in his Jet, helicopter and hotels.  He will suffer unbearable rashes.  The liberal media is responsible.

Billy Bush Grin

It has that God-Told-Me-to-Destroy-the Middle-East look then take up oil painting.

Trump Attacks Feces

Mr. Trump claims it stinks, it's rigged and it is a disaster.

Rigging Dead Democrats

Giuliani is in charge.  He wanders through the afterlife shouting and rambling on.  It's 9/11 as far as the eye can see.  He ankle cuffs the dead democrats as they try to crawl into the light and the city voting venues.  Thank you mayor.  Its a disaster.

Colonoscopies Before the Third Debate

Yes.  Both candidates have to have a colonoscopies before (or during) the debate.  If they have more than one polyp, they are disqualified.  If Trump's tax returns are found, he is disqualified.  If Clinton's email are found, she is disqualified.

Pass the Hat -- Trump is Victim

Go stay at one of his hotels so he doesn't go bankrupt again after the election.

Bot Thoughts and Bought Prayers

Here we have automatic prayers from the catalouge which includes indulgences.  Bot prayers are more efficient and almost infinite, a challenge to the very idea of divinity, an exhausted divinity.

Fictional Thoughts and Fabricated Prayers

I'm not being ironic or using any other strategy of misdirection.  The fictional and fabricated are close cousins to the reasoned, realistic and earnest (among the many mental processes of the Fabricated in its functional and problematic sense)

A shout out for flarf poetry.

Vigorous Prayers and Vociferous Prayers

The alternate arrangement is also valid, although vociferous can be irritating and vigorous suggests a lack of faith.

Thoughts (out of context) Prayers (over-determined)

You get the gist.  Not witnesses, no evidence.

Trump's Evangelical Pastors: Are The Gropers and Fornicators too?

Just asking.  Getting "saved" takes about ten minutes.  To be fair, Hitler may have taken 30 minutes and a bucket of tears.  Get her done.

Degraded Thoughts and Destroyed Prayers

Bombing and prayer are as American as Apple Pie.

Running from the Sound of Gunfire

Trump bravely stands with his pants around his ankles regaling everyone with his groping exploits.  He holds a Bible in the other hand to placate the Evangelicals.

Third Presidential Debate

Put both of them behinds screens with microphones that alter voices.

Third Presidential Debate

Put both of them behinds screens with microphones that alter voices.

God is Doomed -- Buy Gold

bricks or jewelry, doesn't matter.

Trump Apologizes and Coughs up Golden Chicken Bone

Terrific bone.  Worth a fortune.

Trump Apologizes as Rapture Begins

Evangelicals...good work for rejecting him.  Don't have to carry around a mountain of hypocrisy.

POTUS Thoughts and SCOTUS Prayers

Kerfuffle.  Dust up.

Trump Working for Me

He's moving my lawn.  He's reading inspirational Bible verses, oiling my collection of assault rifles and doing my taxes.  He's a patriot.

Pray for the mean fornicator.

Trump Needs Jesus

Evangelicals...pray for him.  He plays golf with the devil.  He reads flarf poetry.
He writes love letters to Vladimir Putin. His list of sins are a mile long.  He makes Bill Clinton look like a choir boy.

Sometimes a Defective Microphone is Just a Defective Mircophone

Likes cigars right?

Trump Loses Flarf Vote

The Flarf community has not as yet endorsed a presidential. After the hacking of Flarf computers, the Flarf community will not endorse Donald Trump.

More leaked documents will be published here and at other sites.

Hillary Clinton Shot Abraham Lincoln

Another reason to vote for Trump.

Charles Manson for President

Mr. Manson has more going for him than you might think.  He is not from the Ivy League class and he is not a billionaire for starters.  I believe he has a lot of prison "wisdom" that would work as president.

The American people deserve a representative from all aspect of their subconscious and fantasy world.  Its time we stop identifying with the wealthy and go for the criminal.  Mr. Manson was an unfortunate part of the counter culture, but with some "work" I think he could become mainstream.  If we can accept Trump, I think, we can learn to love Manson, especially if he converts to an acceptable for of Christianity.

More in coming posts.

Trump Dates Genifer Flowers

Why not.  He can pretty much do anything he wants in our post fact, post moral world.

Post-fact Thoughts and Postprandial Prayers

Makes sense.  Thing crazy ideological thoughts, have a meal, then pray.  I do it every day.

Jaw-dropping Thoughts and Lock-jawed Prayers

Wear teeth-grinding mouth pieces while praying.  You'll have to go sub vocal.  Should work with powerful entity on prayer-answering end.  Answer can be no.  Remember that.

Outraged Thoughts and Outsourced Prayers

and outhouse something or other.

ESPN Rocked by Scandal

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

What Thoughts and Prayers Look Like Now is Crazy!

I've purchased a second orange Naugahyde couch.  I'm thinking of cornering the market.
It's all I can do, given the circumstances.

Jaw-Dropping Thoughts and Lock-Jawed Prayers

What they look like now.

Make America Great Again

It's not already great?  Maybe you should go to a country that works better for you.

Beleaguered Thoughts and Big-League Prayers

One follows the other...right?

Pivotous Thoughts and Pivotal Prayers

I do not believe there is a word pivotous.  The new word suggests waffling or a discursive mind.  Flip flopping. Pivotal prayers suggest desperation, as if spreading prayer around to any prayer-receiving entity or one lost among  fun-house mirrors as they say.

Pointless Thoughts and Pointillist Prayers

Not to put a fine point on it but...more later after I've talked to my artist friends.

Bot Thoughts and Bot Prayers

This is not to make a bot judgement.

Off-the-Record Thoughts and Rigged Prayers

The orange Naugahyde couch is no longer for sale.  It might be a good place to think and pray.

Vehement Thoughts and Pseudo-Apologetic Prayers

Vehemence is everywhere like a bad perfume or simile.  Combined with the aforementioned prayers, its quite toxic, the kind of toxicity that fuels the post-human species.

The orange Naugahyde couch is for sale again.  Inquiries made be left as a comment.

Trump Sees a "Terrific" UFO

Hillary Clinton was in the UFO.  She waved to Mr. Trump.

Donald Trump's Brain is Rigged

If his toxic brain ever get's loose, it will take a nuclear bomb to stop it. Pray that the orange hair isn't cover for a trap door that will pop open and eject the brain.

Is Paula White a Fox Commentator?

She has to be among the legions of blondes that work at Fox and constitute diversity.  Can anyone confirm or deny that she works there?  She could make an occasional appearance as a substitute and no one would know.  Nothing wrong with that.  Just asking.

Oh, what is her relationship with Donald Trump?

Ben Carson has Lunch with Lucifer

Mr. Carson is friendly with Lucifer.  They play golf together.  It was during a round of golf (on a terrific Trump golf course) that Lucifer revealed that Hillary Clinton was also a good friend.  Mr. Carson was jealous and spoke out of turn.

Besotted Thoughts and Bulbous Prayers

If W.C Fields prayed, besotted and bulbous would most likely have been the case.  But what if he prayed on just a few beers?  Would the object of prayer (OOP) have listened or the sign content have entered the field of universal cognition and possible response?  Or would Fields have been imagining prayer in an awkward and embarrassed way?

Thoughts (Discursive) and Prayers (Disjointed)

We all know about discursive thought but disjointed prayers?
Is it a moving target?  Desire gone awry?  Delusional chatter?
One could go on in a discursive manner.

George Bush Oil Paints While Rome Burns

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

George Bush's Remorse

What he first thought might be remorse turned out to be re-flux.  He took an antacid and slept well.

Sanctifying Thoughts and Snarky Prayers

I don't really know what sanctifying means.  It has an imaginary referent if any at all.
Snarky was made up one day while I was out running errands.  It works for non NRA
tragedies, which require "stupid thoughts and stupid prayers."  The prayer is not the perpetrator, rather, the prayer is.

Blistering Thoughts and Stinging Prayers

Does that sound OK?  Just "thoughts and prayers" is inadequate.  With "blistering and stinging" the response is equal to the original cause or at least it shows "good intention" rather than "bad faith."

Beauty Queens Water Board Donald Trump

He giggles and spits out water.  He's really a nice guy once you get to know him!

Baylor University to Fund Benghazi Chair

The chair will be funded to continue alum Trey Gowdy's brilliant study of the events of Benghazi.  The chair is funded by an anonymous donor rumored to be money for a elite high school football prospects.  This is thought to be a shift from a necessary athletics to research.

Donald Trump Rapist?

If this is true, he could become the Baylor president.  He could bankrupt the school and make a lot of money for himself, a terrific deal.

Natalie Wood Endorses Donald Trump

Since its not really necessary to fact check,  I'll pass this on.

She had a terrific body.  I made a lot of money.  I forgot where.

Trump Virus also like CTE

The is poor man's tweeting.

white men's brains debilitated by repeated self-inflicted collisions with American fantasies.


Trump virus was also compared to Zika.  Same time frame (and Trumpian bikini waxing)
as well as tragic public health concern.

Please Patronize Our Weird Loophole Sponser

Not affiliated with any of the terrific services of Trump Inc.

Trump Virus Spreads to McCain's Brain

The virus is very much like the zika virus.  It breeds in the swampy regions of the narcissistic wealth.

Thoughts and Prayers

Thinking can be effective in the right person, although they are often without power.

Prayers are problematic.

Human suffering seems to go on despite thoughts and prayers.

I'm thinking about donating my orange Naugahyde couch to a worthwhile "thought and prayer" organization, if I can find one.

Baylor: University of Rape and (Biblical) Nihilism

Scumball Christian morality.

Fifty Best Plumber Cracks

Submit photos. Corporate sponsorship pending.  Photos to be submitted to a P.O. Box.  Address provided in a few days.

Angry White Men Feed Grapes to a Reclining Donald Trump

After Mr. Trump is satisfied, he fires the White Guys who are happy to be fired.  They are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome having spent creepy lifetimes worshiping the wealthy.

Orange Naugahyde Couch

It's not for sale.  Yes, it was available for free several years ago.  I had it restuffed so now its very comfortable.  I often take naps on it.  But thanks for asking.

Insane People with Guns

As American as apple pie.  HOw else can they express their freedoms?

Donald Trump and Angry White Men

He'll get you a job as a janitor in one of his hotels or pulling weeds on one of his golf courses.

Natalie Wood -- Misinformation

Barack Obama was on the boat reading the Koran.

Baylor: Rape U

Baylor needs some Christian leadership.  Never would have happened if there had been just one Christian in a leadership position, even head custodian!

Salad During the Rapture

Some of the regular PB commenters have started a discussion about food to take during the Rapture.  Implausibly, salad is mentioned as a meal for the trip.  Its light and digestible.  But what if the Rapture takes 2000 years?  Will the Rapturees arrive alive at their destination alive?

 

Food and snack suggestions are welcome.  A nutritional plan for an extended journey is also needed.

Natile Wood -- The Truth

Donald Trump was there.  It was his boat.  He is very qualified.  He is for the middle class!  He reads pflarf poets and is an anonymous patron.

One Million Visits

Be the one millionth visitor to this blog site and win something somewhere in the future.

 

Note:  I have counted pflarf poet visits in a manner that "stuffs" the total.  Without them this would be another blog without cute pictures.

Miracles: Disneyland or Lourdes

This blog would like to know at which location, Disneyland or Lourdes, has to most authenticated miracles.  Are mouse ears more efficacious than bottled spring water?

At which location would Donald Trump get the most help?

Donald Trump Does the Downward Dog

As he rises into the asana, coins fall out of his pockets.  He grabs them quickly.  The asana is too submissive, although he is on top.  He thinks for a moment that he has been praying in some form.  He doesn't pray to anyone.  He wants everyone to bow to him like a desert divinity.

Donald Trump Says Namaste

Donald Trump will approve of the torture of all Moslems.  The torturers will say Namaste before each session.  Trump will use the information to select sites to build golf courses.

 

That man came make money.  Jesus works an adding machine around the heavenly clock.

Namaste Georgia

You are right.  It goes like this.  First  yoga, then dancing, the teenage pregnancies (that you've accomplished without yoga) then the selling off of assault rifles at the flea market.  Without assault rifles the UFO's are free to land during the Masters and begin assaulting the children who were deprived of yoga in the first place.

Blenders Lead to Hell

If you have a blender, soon you'll be putting kale in it.  Then tight pants and yoga will follow.
After yoga, meditation will begin.  With meditation craving and clinging will fade.  With the fading of clinging dogmatic views (religion) will fade and you will go to hell. So don't buy a blender. Buy and assault rife.

Donald Trump Will Bluild Border Wall

Trump will build a wall and luxury apartments along the Mexican border.  He will use Mexican labor at the going rate.

Donald Trump's Penis

All of the Republican candidates should expose either their penis or buttocks, preferably both.
Evangelicals will have to leave the room.  It's a necessary evil.

If Trump wins, he should have a expose-off with Vladimir Putin.

Donald Trump and Martin Heidegger (2)

Would you please write the timely blog post.  You know who you are.  It can be the short version of something published later.  Please make contact.

Donald Trump and Martin Heidegger

I met some guy at a buffet who said he would write a guest column on the above subject.  He claimed to be a post doc at an elite school.  Please keep in touch.

Flarf Poets Will Disavow Neoflarf Poets

Flarf poets are currently working on a statement to disavow themselves from the younger Neoflarf poets and their political support for Donald Trump. 

Flarf Poets at Trump's Inauguration

Senior flarf poets are working behind the scenes to position themselves to have a flarf poet read the Trump's inauguration.  It is a foregone conclusion that a flarf poet will read at the inauguration.  Who exactly will read has yet to be determined.

Neoflarf Poest for Trump (2)

Neoflarf poets believe that Trump did not hear the Klansman in the audience.  They reason that they often have trouble hearing audience members when they are reading or engaging in a Q and A, so Trump should be given the same allowance.

Neoflarf Poets for Trump

The Neoflarf Movement is about to announce its support for Donald "performance artist" Trump.

Trump's Platform

To sue everyone.  The Department of Justice will be expanded tenfold to keep up with the presidents lawsuits.

Trump will also carpet bomb Mexico.

Donald Trump's Coronation

One thousand virgins will be sacrificed. There will be vegan food available.

Donald Trump Trepans George Bush

Trump wants to see how the decision to enter and destroy the Middle East, so he trepans George Bush on a table at Chuck E Cheese.  Weapons of mass destruction pour out of his brain.

Trump is captivated by the trepanning.  He decides to make it part of Obama Care, free trepanning for everyone. He trepans Joe the Plumber, hairy drain sludge pours out of his head.  He trepans Sarah Palin, birds fly out of her skull.  The beauty queens shout, "a miracle!"  Donald corrects them, "a bird brain."

Donald's weight is back up to 98 pounds.  His aides want him to leave the Chuck E Cheese alternate reality and devote his time and energy to campaigning.  Donald trepans all the beauty queens until he has early signs of carpal tunnel. He can't lift pizza slices to he his fed by the dizzy beauty queens.

Donald Trump Will Sue George Bush if....

he paints an oil painting of Donald's likeness.  Likeness is a relative idea for all but a few artists who will go unnamed for fear of a law suit. But, really,  why should the "oil painter" paint portraits of world leaders when he wasn't?  He could have painted all the people in the Crawford phone book and saved the world a world of woe.

Donald Trump Wants to Fight George Bush

Donald continues to train a Chuck E Cheese.  He's eating vegetables along with copious amounts of Pizza.

Donald has not respect for the "oil painter" aka father of ISIL.

Donald will formally challenge Mr. Bush to an MMA style fight to be held in Baghdad to honor Mr. Bush's ruining of the Middle East, North Africa and Europe.

Donald Trump Gains More Weight for Fight With Pope

Donald continues to eat pizza at Chuck E. Cheese where he has set up his training camp.
He is studying MMA.  He thinks the Pope will tap out with an arm bar.  Donald dislocates several the arms of sparing partners -- beauty queens.

Joe the Plumber is a good partner.  He's big and not easily moved around grappling.

Donald thinks of the pizza as the Eucharist.  Sarah Palin is his spiritual advisor.  She's on the phone to try and keep Donald within the bounds of taste.

Donald is up to 90 pounds.

Donald Trump Regains Weight at Chuck E. Cheese

Donald began to gain weight at the Chuck E. Cheese.  He made a generous offer and secured a lease.  He hired a few of the beauty queens to work as gofers, bring salads from Whole Foods, shampoo and comb his hair.

Sarah Palin left to go shopping and make speaking engagements.

Joe the Plumber stayed on as an adviser.  He spent some time fighting at the local strip mall bar.

After two weeks, Donald weighed in at 68 pounds. 

Donald Trump Weighs 59 Pounds

Sarah Palin baked cookies for Donald, but they weren't gluten free.

Joe the Plumber thinks Donald is too Skinny so they fly to the mainland.  Donald rents a Chuck E.Cheese for a private party.  He invites hundreds of bathing beauties.

Donald is wheeled around the arcade and wins thousands of tickets.  He redeems them for a nice prize which he donate to charity.  Donald eats two slices of pizza.  His BMI raises slightly.

He decides the spend a few weeks recuperating at Chuck E. Cheese.

Donald Trump Weighs 63 Pounds

Donald says that he is weak and claims that he wasn't born but sprung from Zeus's' thigh.
Sarah Palin stops shooting randomly into the woods and raises the birthed question?
"If you sprung from Zeus, are you an American and are you a Christian?"
Joe the Plumber shoots some of Palin's neighbors thinking that they are more New York Times reporters.  It's a common Libertarian mistake.
"Donald assures her that he is an American Christian and owner of golf resorts."
Donald tries to eat some ground venison and applesauce to regain some weight.

Donald Trump Weighs 67 Pounds

Donald wants the dead bears piled near the deck.  Joe the plumber finds dead journalists inside bear suits.  They immediately suspect the New York Times.  Then Sarah makes a call to see if establishment Republicans have sent operatives to get at trump.

Donald tries to eat a power bar but has to spit it out.  Brown goo drips down his chin.  Joe wants to weigh Donald, but he makes a fuss over the possible gossip of bulimia.

Donald Trump Weighs 69 Pounds

Donald is flown by private jet to Alaska.  He languishes on Sarah Palin's deck.  He remains impassive waiting for the next weigh in.

Jihadis disguised as bears clamber toward the deck only to be shot by a frothing Joe the Plumber.  Donald makes notes about foreign policy, especially an eminent Radical Islamic attack across the Bering Straight.

Scales are prepared.  Real Alaskan men are ready to life Donald onto the scale.

Donald Trump Weighs 75 Pounds

A giant Zika mosquito affixes itself to Donald's head.  Sarah Palin uses her AK47 to remove the pest.
She wants to fly Donald to Alaska where he can recuperate on her Deck with a view Syria so he can work on his Middle East Policy.  He generously gives the Zika carcass to Joe the Plumber who wants to mount it on his game wall near all the stuff Jihadis he shot in the woods.

Donald Trump Weighs 77 Pounds

In a wavering voice Donald asks Joe the Plumber to arrange for thousands of beauty queens to pass by the divan he reclines on to wish him well.  Joe asks, "how the hell do I do that?"  Donald is too week to roll his eyes.

Donald Trump Weighs 79 Pounds

Caviar dribbles out of the corner of Donald's mouth.  Joe the Plumber scoops it up oblivious to the miracle that is before him.  He will use it for fishing bait.

Donald Trump Weighs 80 Pounds

Angelina Jolie calls Donald and suggests that he eat a small stalk of lettuce.  Donald tells her that she is a seven and other insulting remarks.

Donald Trump Weighs 81 Pounds

Joe the plumber tries to feed Donald grapes that have been halved and prechewed.  Donald is very tired and weak. Joe sings a lullaby that he usually sings to his arsenal of assault rifles and pipe wrenches. Donald falls asleep.

Donald Trump Weighs 82 Pounds

Joe the Plumber spoons chicken broth into Donald's parched lips which look like they have been stung by bees.  Joe is weeping as his idol falters.

Donald Trump Weighs 83 Pounds

Brad Pitt spoon feeds him rosewater. Donald refuses to eat. Donald moans plaintively. Brad tells him to eat for his golf courses.  Eventually Donald begins eating again.

Carpet Bombing the MIddle East (Ted Cruz)

Now that's a presidential aspiration -- mass murder.

Pascal's Coin Flip in Iowa

Yea, just flip a coin and decide what lowlife demagogue to publically whore with hundreds of millions of dollars.

Oregon Standoff (African Americans)

Thought experiment:  What if they were African Americans?  Let's put them in an urban setting.  What would have happened by now?  (With the Chicago or even Los Angeles Police Department restoring order)


More Trump posts soon.  Our Trump guy was sick.

Trump Shoots Megyn Kelly!

Trump will shoot Megyn Kelly then heal her wound.  The miracle of shooting and healing is a sign that Trump is the Messiah. 

They begin a world tour of shooting and healing.  Being shot and healed is tiring.  Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter join the tour taking turns in the ongoing miracle.  The entire Moslem world converts to Episcopalianism.

Donald Trump Goes on Killing Spree to Prove He is the Messiah

Trump goes on a killing rampage (Miracles!) to prove his greatness to the voters.  He kills throughout North America, Europe and the Middle East.  He is so good in fact the ISIL successfully recruits him to become CEO of the Caliphate.  He brings about world peace and the Rapture as well as Armageddon, the apocalypse and many other bad outcomes, such as golf course with ragged greens.  Nevertheless he is Great.

Trump Performs Miracles (to Prove he is the Messiah)

Trump walked through a sand trap and there were no foot prints!

Trump turned a golf ball into an egg and made a small omelet.

Trump is the Messiah

A nasty ego the size of Mt. Everest fits the bill.  Was it worth waiting 2000 years for?  Maybe with Palin as secretary of state and a bevy of beauty pageant contestants manning important positions of government we will have what we've waited for.  The beauties are the equivalent of the martyr's virgins.

Lot of angry and horny men around.

Sarah Palin and Waylin Jennings

Does anyone know if they met anywhere?  Did Waylin perform in Vladivostak?  Palin keeps her millions there as a tax dodge.  She can watch the bank from her deck.  She does need a telescope.  She never meant that she could see it with the unaided eye. That is a smear of the liberal press or a mascara smear from crying over her children.

Sarah Palin Will Win Unnamed Beauty Paegent in 2017

This is a rumor not circulating on social media.  Yes, it could be quid pro quo for her endorsement.  It could also be a conservative personality contest that she could win over Ann Coulter by a neck.

Trump Buys Palin's Endorsement

For a great sum of money. (No tweet addressing)

Russia as Seen from Trump Tower

Yes, Donald Trump can see Russia from the Penthouse atop Trump Tower.  His aides can't decide whether to use this in a debate.  When everything has been truly returned to greatness, the view of Russia will be revealed.  (Trump can also see Sarah Palin sunbathing in Alaska from the tower.)