The rumor that CalArts will buy the Crystal Cathedral and convert it into luminous loft space is credible and from art source's at the highest level. The structure will house a new campus and a honeycomb of lofts will be built inside the cathedral.
CalArts highly regarded Homeopathic College will move to new buildings to be built in what are now parking lots around the cathedral.
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Pool Boys of Jalalabad
There are many swimming pools in Jalalabad. Drug lords and Taliban technocrats have pools in their backyards. Summers in Jalalabad are hot. Pool cleaning is a lucrative business – if it were only cleaning pools!
The pool boys of Jalalabad work for the rival intelligence services – ISI, CIA, Afghani, etc. All of the parties involved know that the pool boys work for rival intelligence services. Indeed, they are all at least double agents and promiscuous. The promiscuity is tolerated because of enthusiastic participation (evidence) and none of the parties wanting to disturb the complicated alliances. Maybe their pool boy will come through.
On their off hours the pool boys hang out at the Khyber Pass Internet Café. They all know each other and socialize in a version of the Great Game.
How do I know this? I’ve learned (let’s say indirectly) about the pool boys from a Pakistani Leaf Blower salesman.
The pool boys of Jalalabad work for the rival intelligence services – ISI, CIA, Afghani, etc. All of the parties involved know that the pool boys work for rival intelligence services. Indeed, they are all at least double agents and promiscuous. The promiscuity is tolerated because of enthusiastic participation (evidence) and none of the parties wanting to disturb the complicated alliances. Maybe their pool boy will come through.
On their off hours the pool boys hang out at the Khyber Pass Internet Café. They all know each other and socialize in a version of the Great Game.
How do I know this? I’ve learned (let’s say indirectly) about the pool boys from a Pakistani Leaf Blower salesman.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Mindy Kardashian
Mindy Kardashian, the Kardashian matriarch, passed away yesterday in her sleep. She had been in declining health for several years.
Beloved by the extended Kardashian family, Mindy was loved by all including her grand children. Mindy loved to gather the family, whomever was alive at the time, and cook lavish banquets. She had mastered the American cookbook and was known for her unusual entree combinations.
The family would like to having any memorial donations sent to the Betty Crocker Charities.
Beloved by the extended Kardashian family, Mindy was loved by all including her grand children. Mindy loved to gather the family, whomever was alive at the time, and cook lavish banquets. She had mastered the American cookbook and was known for her unusual entree combinations.
The family would like to having any memorial donations sent to the Betty Crocker Charities.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Khalid Kardashian
Khalid Kardashian died yesterday after falling from scaffolding. He was pronounced dead at the site.
After a year at community college, Khalid worked for the Kardashian Scaffolding Company as a rigger. He was saving money to attend the Berklee College of Music.
When Khalid was not working with scaffolding, he was a drummer for his band the Alkyds. They rehearsed in one of the scaffolding warehouses and played locally. The Alkyds were about to release their first CD, The Death of the Kardashians.
After a year at community college, Khalid worked for the Kardashian Scaffolding Company as a rigger. He was saving money to attend the Berklee College of Music.
When Khalid was not working with scaffolding, he was a drummer for his band the Alkyds. They rehearsed in one of the scaffolding warehouses and played locally. The Alkyds were about to release their first CD, The Death of the Kardashians.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Rupert Kardashian
Rupert Kardashian passed away in his sleep Wednesday, December 8. Like many in the Kardashian family, Rupert worked for a paint company, a large contractor (Hilton Brothers) who serviced large commercial properties.
In his youth, Rupert could be found with a paint bucket and brush. Later in life he managed projects, hotels, office buildings and mansions. Rupert was at the age of retirement when he passed away.
As a long time bachelor and weekend naturalist, friends has suggested making donations to the Audubon Society.
In his youth, Rupert could be found with a paint bucket and brush. Later in life he managed projects, hotels, office buildings and mansions. Rupert was at the age of retirement when he passed away.
As a long time bachelor and weekend naturalist, friends has suggested making donations to the Audubon Society.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Cher Kardashian
Once again we are sad to report the death of another Kardashian family member, Cher Kardashian. It is most unfortunate that Cher and Paris, cousins and best of friends, should die within weeks of one another.
Cher attended the same trade school with Paris. Cher studied building maintenance for two semesters then took a job as a factory rep for Glidden Paint. She was often seen at Home Depot checking display and inventory. She was very popular with the paint departments of her district.
Dogs were a big part of Cher's life. She worked with Paris to breed a gentler bull terrier. They had approached Michael Vick about endorsing their breed. Their breed was able to remain in the sit position in the presence of kittens, chickens, squirrels and gerbils. Sadly, the breeding project is in limbo.
Cher attended the same trade school with Paris. Cher studied building maintenance for two semesters then took a job as a factory rep for Glidden Paint. She was often seen at Home Depot checking display and inventory. She was very popular with the paint departments of her district.
Dogs were a big part of Cher's life. She worked with Paris to breed a gentler bull terrier. They had approached Michael Vick about endorsing their breed. Their breed was able to remain in the sit position in the presence of kittens, chickens, squirrels and gerbils. Sadly, the breeding project is in limbo.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Lady Gaga Begins The Revolution
We need to go infantile from President on down. Here's a partial list.
President DooDoo
Vice President PeePee
Senator WeeWee
CEO MeMe
CFO MyMy
Supreme Court Justice CoCo
General Kiki
Officer DoDo
Reverend PooPoo
Designer FooFoo
Professor Wawa
Radio Pundit OxyOxy
Journalist WooWoo
Inspector KooKoo
Ingenue BooBoo
Coach UgUg
Our list is very long, but you get the idea. We also believe that a diaper name does not in and of itself prevent anyone from working for or against the public good.
President DooDoo
Vice President PeePee
Senator WeeWee
CEO MeMe
CFO MyMy
Supreme Court Justice CoCo
General Kiki
Officer DoDo
Reverend PooPoo
Designer FooFoo
Professor Wawa
Radio Pundit OxyOxy
Journalist WooWoo
Inspector KooKoo
Ingenue BooBoo
Coach UgUg
Our list is very long, but you get the idea. We also believe that a diaper name does not in and of itself prevent anyone from working for or against the public good.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Paris Kardashian
We are saddened to learn of the death of Paris Kardashian, nee Holten, over this holiday weekend. She is among the growing Kardashian tragedy as we have chronicled in this blog.
Ms. Kardashian was a recent student at a trade school. She studied aviation mechanics for a semester then took a job with her late aunt Margot Kardashian, who, after several decades as a roofing contractor, bought a scaffolding company, Kardashian Scaffolding.
Bull Terriers were Ms. Kardashian's passion. She named them after celebrities. A kennel was built at the Kardashian Scaffolding yard where the bulls ran and played. Ms. Kardashian worked in the office.
Ms. Kardashian was a recent student at a trade school. She studied aviation mechanics for a semester then took a job with her late aunt Margot Kardashian, who, after several decades as a roofing contractor, bought a scaffolding company, Kardashian Scaffolding.
Bull Terriers were Ms. Kardashian's passion. She named them after celebrities. A kennel was built at the Kardashian Scaffolding yard where the bulls ran and played. Ms. Kardashian worked in the office.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Kanye West's Rant
Backstage he ranted against Black Friday. His bedtime is at 3 am. This is the get-in-line hour for buying electronic gadgets. Do you expect a star to sleep in a sleeping bag in a parking lot. Aren't stars entitled to big discounts on TVs?
I would suggest he park a rock star bus outside the store so he could sleep or at least have one of his people stand in line with a list and cash. Not everything has to be taken personally with a paranoid edge to it.
I would suggest he park a rock star bus outside the store so he could sleep or at least have one of his people stand in line with a list and cash. Not everything has to be taken personally with a paranoid edge to it.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Edward Kardashian Sr.
It has been a tragic week for the Kardashians. Not that death is tragic, but so many in one extended family.
Edward Kardashian Sr. worked for Dunn-Edwards paint. He started in the store as a salesman, then mixer. He was one of the finest eye matchers around. He won an informal contest by matching the color of the Golden Gate Bridge -- orange -- in less than five minutes.
In his retirement, Kardashian was a landscape painter. He often painted the land and bay around the Golden Gate Bridge. He won a bridge painting contest -- humor award -- for painting the Bay Bridge orange. His humor will be missed.
He is not survived by his son Edward Kardashian Jr. who died last year in a car accident.
Edward Kardashian Sr. worked for Dunn-Edwards paint. He started in the store as a salesman, then mixer. He was one of the finest eye matchers around. He won an informal contest by matching the color of the Golden Gate Bridge -- orange -- in less than five minutes.
In his retirement, Kardashian was a landscape painter. He often painted the land and bay around the Golden Gate Bridge. He won a bridge painting contest -- humor award -- for painting the Bay Bridge orange. His humor will be missed.
He is not survived by his son Edward Kardashian Jr. who died last year in a car accident.
Big Foot Back at Betty Ford!
Big foot has returned to Betty Ford according to my sources. When we last visited Big Foot he was staying with an interior decorator in Palm Springs. He was doing well there, sequestered in the guest house of a rather large compound.
BF was learning to putt. He spent hours putting on the carpet, then at dusk on the adjoining golf course. Then BF started drinking and demanding to learn to use a sand wedge and one of those over sized drivers. He became unruly and somehow was returned to Betty Ford.
My source (quoting sources) said that the counselors at Betty Ford were happy to have him return. They had been developing new counseling protocols and techniques when BF had left abruptly. BF is being kept away from Lindsay Lohan.
We can only hope and pray that BF finds his place in society.
BF was learning to putt. He spent hours putting on the carpet, then at dusk on the adjoining golf course. Then BF started drinking and demanding to learn to use a sand wedge and one of those over sized drivers. He became unruly and somehow was returned to Betty Ford.
My source (quoting sources) said that the counselors at Betty Ford were happy to have him return. They had been developing new counseling protocols and techniques when BF had left abruptly. BF is being kept away from Lindsay Lohan.
We can only hope and pray that BF finds his place in society.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Dumping with the Stars
FOX has it in the works. Yes! Two toilets. An ordinary person sits on one toilet. A Star sits on the other. A more developed premise is in the works. A certain writer with an Ive League background is being called in for ideas.
Stars from an A list may not be possible. But everyone is capable! This is all my source at FOX would say.
Note: The board of directors for Pat's Blog insisted on a title change. It was more vulgar in its original title. While we are at the stage as a culture of watching people competitively defecate, we stile become outraged over a few words and rightly so. The word blog sounds like a crap, doesn't it?
This blog entry will be updated.
Stars from an A list may not be possible. But everyone is capable! This is all my source at FOX would say.
Note: The board of directors for Pat's Blog insisted on a title change. It was more vulgar in its original title. While we are at the stage as a culture of watching people competitively defecate, we stile become outraged over a few words and rightly so. The word blog sounds like a crap, doesn't it?
This blog entry will be updated.
No Country for Old Men Tweeting
Should old men be tweeting? On a need to know basis, what's the hurry? Grim reaper getting too close? Shouldn't old men sleep in chairs? I do. Should an old man tweet, then take a nap, then tweet upon awakening? "I'm drooling."
For several years I couldn't understand why young people kept looking at the palms of their hands. Did they believe that too much masturbation led to hairy palms? Then I realized they were looking at small gadgets and it all made sense. But old men?
The food court at the mall is the place where old men wait stoically for the grim reaper. They don't tweet at the food court and they don't flarf either.
For several years I couldn't understand why young people kept looking at the palms of their hands. Did they believe that too much masturbation led to hairy palms? Then I realized they were looking at small gadgets and it all made sense. But old men?
The food court at the mall is the place where old men wait stoically for the grim reaper. They don't tweet at the food court and they don't flarf either.
Curtis Kardashian
Sadly, Curtis Kardashian has passed away too. His brother Clyde died recently. (See Nov 20 Blog) Curtis was Clyde's twin brother.
I did not know Curtis as well as Clyde. Curtis ran his own company and we often bid against one another. When we did work together -- as young men -- Curtis had a thousand stories, although, few of them were true. Curtis managed to tell stories while we were eating that did not involve the favorite trade themes -- job mutilations and excrement. He had fun at client's expense without being mean. He had a sly humor that none of my younger crew members have.
Curtis was a womanizer until he met his beloved Margot, a roofing contractor. They spent many happy years together. Margot died several years ago. May they, too, rest in peace.
I did not know Curtis as well as Clyde. Curtis ran his own company and we often bid against one another. When we did work together -- as young men -- Curtis had a thousand stories, although, few of them were true. Curtis managed to tell stories while we were eating that did not involve the favorite trade themes -- job mutilations and excrement. He had fun at client's expense without being mean. He had a sly humor that none of my younger crew members have.
Curtis was a womanizer until he met his beloved Margot, a roofing contractor. They spent many happy years together. Margot died several years ago. May they, too, rest in peace.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Home Depot "Expertise"
Home Depot lures one into the obvious. I'm there.
An employee said that an item wasn't an area of his expertise. Very honest, but expertise at Home Depot? Irony at Home Depot?
With Christmas coming the cheap gift packages have arrived. Screwdriver sets are always popular. Half in the bag and bloated like a pig, I usually get up from the Holiday table and start hand screwing and unscrewing everything in sight. It's good practice. Never know when we'll revert to hand screwing again.
Speaking of screwing. If your factory has moved to a foreign country...never mind.
An employee said that an item wasn't an area of his expertise. Very honest, but expertise at Home Depot? Irony at Home Depot?
With Christmas coming the cheap gift packages have arrived. Screwdriver sets are always popular. Half in the bag and bloated like a pig, I usually get up from the Holiday table and start hand screwing and unscrewing everything in sight. It's good practice. Never know when we'll revert to hand screwing again.
Speaking of screwing. If your factory has moved to a foreign country...never mind.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Clyde Kardashian
Clyde was a hell of a painter. He was a master with all types of spraying -- lacquers, oils and pumping out room after room with an airless. Does anyone know if he is related to the Kardashian family. May he rest in peace. Oh, he did have a big rear end.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sarah Palin and Bullwinkle 2012
Sarah Palin will choose Bullwinkle as her running mate. This will continue the Grizzly mom theme and show that she is friends of animals, not just someone in a helicopter machine gunning animals.
Bullwinkle has spent years in Russia studying historic Five Year plans, the Gulag systems and various militarily infrastructures. He is believed to add heft to the ticket in foreign relations.
Rocky is both a leftist and atheist. There is some fear that the liberal press will go after the Rocky and Bullwinkle association in an attempt to smear Ms. Palin.
Bullwinkle has spent years in Russia studying historic Five Year plans, the Gulag systems and various militarily infrastructures. He is believed to add heft to the ticket in foreign relations.
Rocky is both a leftist and atheist. There is some fear that the liberal press will go after the Rocky and Bullwinkle association in an attempt to smear Ms. Palin.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Flarf Festival in Lagos?
The Flarf Festival committees have been moving around Argentina visiting possible sites for the proposed Festival. The differences between the Nigerian Flarf poets and the North American Flarf poets remain unresolved. While great quantities of meat and wine have been consumed, the real issues have not been addressed.
The Nigerians have, however, been working behind the scenes. They are proposing that the Festival be held in Lagos. Reading venues, hotels and night life are all in place. What's not in place, though, is an agreement that accommodates the Nigerian claim the Flarf poetry is to a significant extent a Nigerian invention.
Are the North Americans dragging their feet? From this distance and with undoubtedly biased sources, it is impossible to say. What is believed to be true is that the Nigerians are offering to charter a plain from the U.S. to Lagos. Other inducements have been rumored, such as book contracts from a Nigerian press that will be dedicated to Flarf poetry. This is seductive for the lesser known Flarf poets and maddening to the Flarf poets with fat book contracts.
The general loss of control -- location and story of origin -- has unnerved the North American Flarf poets. An International Flarf Festival may be postponed indefinitely. The Nigerians have countered with the proposal of a Lagos Flarf Festival with North American invitees. As of this writing, the North Americans are considering the offer. The proposed festival includes the chartered plan but not the book contracts.
The Nigerians have, however, been working behind the scenes. They are proposing that the Festival be held in Lagos. Reading venues, hotels and night life are all in place. What's not in place, though, is an agreement that accommodates the Nigerian claim the Flarf poetry is to a significant extent a Nigerian invention.
Are the North Americans dragging their feet? From this distance and with undoubtedly biased sources, it is impossible to say. What is believed to be true is that the Nigerians are offering to charter a plain from the U.S. to Lagos. Other inducements have been rumored, such as book contracts from a Nigerian press that will be dedicated to Flarf poetry. This is seductive for the lesser known Flarf poets and maddening to the Flarf poets with fat book contracts.
The general loss of control -- location and story of origin -- has unnerved the North American Flarf poets. An International Flarf Festival may be postponed indefinitely. The Nigerians have countered with the proposal of a Lagos Flarf Festival with North American invitees. As of this writing, the North Americans are considering the offer. The proposed festival includes the chartered plan but not the book contracts.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Behind the Scenes in Argentina
There have been some friendly but tense negotiations going on in Argentina between the Nigerian Flarf delegation and the ostensibly American Flarf delegation. The Nigerians have made it clear that they will underwrite the Festival if certain conditions are met. They want an evening to introduce Nigerian Flarf poetry and make the claim that Flarf poetry is really a creative byproduct of Nigerian cafe culture and the 419 Scam.
The claim has been made by the Nigerians that the Flarf poem -- not called Flarf at the time -- had its origins in the Nigerian scam cafes in the 90's. The poetry utilized among other things, playful and intentionally inappropriate material that appeared unbidden and contextually disruptive in the general environment of the internet and the cafes teeming with computer monitors. A group of poets used this material in conjunction with real 419 scam letters along with parodies, pastiches and outright playful bantering and nonsense.
This blog has learned that the Nigerian presentation -- a paper, scam texts, as well as video -- will use and appropriate a similar language used to support Flarf poetry. The Nigerians are willing to make their case and let its persuasiveness loose on the Flarf community of poets.
The claim has been made by the Nigerians that the Flarf poem -- not called Flarf at the time -- had its origins in the Nigerian scam cafes in the 90's. The poetry utilized among other things, playful and intentionally inappropriate material that appeared unbidden and contextually disruptive in the general environment of the internet and the cafes teeming with computer monitors. A group of poets used this material in conjunction with real 419 scam letters along with parodies, pastiches and outright playful bantering and nonsense.
This blog has learned that the Nigerian presentation -- a paper, scam texts, as well as video -- will use and appropriate a similar language used to support Flarf poetry. The Nigerians are willing to make their case and let its persuasiveness loose on the Flarf community of poets.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Big Foot Seen in Palm Springs
My source a Betty Ford (fired recently) has told me that Big Foot did not leave Palms Springs when his stay at Betty Ford ended abruptly. Accorcing to my source, who has been accurate so far, Big Foot he has been seen at the house of a retired interior decorator. It just so happens that I've worked with this interior decorator on numerous occasions over the years and know him to be a very personable, forthright and friend to house painters.
I have put through several calls, but have not been successful in getting through. I should also mention that there is no attempt on my part to link Big Foot with any community. There have been many enquiries about Big Foot's safety and if in fact he is with this interior decorator in is large historic house, he will have the security he needs until he decides what he wants to do with his life as it is obviously in transition.
I have put through several calls, but have not been successful in getting through. I should also mention that there is no attempt on my part to link Big Foot with any community. There have been many enquiries about Big Foot's safety and if in fact he is with this interior decorator in is large historic house, he will have the security he needs until he decides what he wants to do with his life as it is obviously in transition.
International Flarf Festival "Argentina"
This blog has learned that there is an advance team of Flarf Poets and their handlers in Argentina at the resort town of Bariloche. They are looking for a site that will meet the diverse needs of the poet community, critics, families and admirers.
As practical matters are addressed, there is a concern that the Vegan Flarf poets will not be able to sit in the same banquet room with the meat-eating Flarf poets and their outsized Argentine steaks. (Meat wars are tedious, if I may interject an opinion). I have also heard that there is concern with Internet access and IPhone/Pod performance. After all, there are only working vacations for Flarf poets.
A related concern is the number of stairs, uneven walkways, etc. A number of prominent Flarf poets are known to pace and even wander while working.
While Argentina is the first and favored country on this junket, the actual site while be determined by the Nigerian graduate student who dabbles in Flarf poetry. Nigerian oil money in the form of a substantial student allowance will underwrite the festival. This Nigerian graduate student is studying a certain Language Poet at an American University. More will be revealed at the festival.
As practical matters are addressed, there is a concern that the Vegan Flarf poets will not be able to sit in the same banquet room with the meat-eating Flarf poets and their outsized Argentine steaks. (Meat wars are tedious, if I may interject an opinion). I have also heard that there is concern with Internet access and IPhone/Pod performance. After all, there are only working vacations for Flarf poets.
A related concern is the number of stairs, uneven walkways, etc. A number of prominent Flarf poets are known to pace and even wander while working.
While Argentina is the first and favored country on this junket, the actual site while be determined by the Nigerian graduate student who dabbles in Flarf poetry. Nigerian oil money in the form of a substantial student allowance will underwrite the festival. This Nigerian graduate student is studying a certain Language Poet at an American University. More will be revealed at the festival.
A Word from Pat the House Painter
This is my blog and I do paint houses. My son and his friends work for me. They also have access to the blog and entertain themselves by making what they believe are witty blog entries. Fine. Several of them are over educated, but they can put in a decent days work for guys who carry Iphones. I let them do it, so now I have to live with it.
If there is any cruel treatment of any individual or group, profanity (God knows we swear enough on the job) or pornography please report it in the comment section of the blog. You may have to repeat the complaint because they may erase it or file fake complaints themselves. I have already deleted several blog entries as unacceptable. In One entry they had me shagging the attractive client on the leather couch, drop cloth for protection. Now this kind of stuff is funny (in an embarrassing way) on the job in small doses -- they think I think this way...they think they know how my imagination works...bull$$$$ I would have used the bed to save my back -- but there's no way I want this pathetic "college painter humor" associated with my blog.
If there is any cruel treatment of any individual or group, profanity (God knows we swear enough on the job) or pornography please report it in the comment section of the blog. You may have to repeat the complaint because they may erase it or file fake complaints themselves. I have already deleted several blog entries as unacceptable. In One entry they had me shagging the attractive client on the leather couch, drop cloth for protection. Now this kind of stuff is funny (in an embarrassing way) on the job in small doses -- they think I think this way...they think they know how my imagination works...bull$$$$ I would have used the bed to save my back -- but there's no way I want this pathetic "college painter humor" associated with my blog.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sarah Palin Rides a Drone
As Karl Rove said, Sarah Palin lacks gravitas. She needs some foreign policy experience. Looking at Siberia through binoculars is good, or from a helicopter while she's submachine gunning wildlife. But it will not win enough votes for her to become president.
We need something for her to do in the real world of international politics. I don't think she would be given her own table to negotiate peace between the Palestinians and Israelis. They have serious differences that will not be helped by pit bull humor. Hows many pit bulls did it take to bring down the Evil Empire?
What she needs is a war of her own -- at least a front. I suggest that the CIA give her Yemen. Leading commando raids would be a great resume helper. She can also fly helicopter missions and shoot insurgents Alaska style. She needs to be in the field in the real world. It won't do any good having her at the Sanaa UPS going diva on the employees for helping the terrorists with the package bombs or having her complaining that there isn't any good shopping or restaurants. The liberal press can be vicious!
Sarah Palin needs to be in the field in some battle outfit that fills the angry male tea partiers with lust! She needs a drone with a saddle on it to ride into the village square where she will dismount and start eviscerating Jihadis with a big Alaskan knife. The CIA could stage all of this. Round up (renditions) young men who aren't very physical, drug them and set them loose in the square just before Palin lands, a running of the Jihadis.
First she could work Yemen, then move on to the Tribal regions of Pakistan with the mountains as a video back drop. There is a much higher degree of difficulty there and FOX would have to rely more on the CIA for video.
For some of the scenes a stunt double would be appropriate, like straddling the drone in safari shorts and muscle shirt with John 3:16 on the back. We would needs lots of muscle for the hard body wing of the Tea Party
Remember Slim Pickens riding a nuclear warhead on its way to Russia!
We need something for her to do in the real world of international politics. I don't think she would be given her own table to negotiate peace between the Palestinians and Israelis. They have serious differences that will not be helped by pit bull humor. Hows many pit bulls did it take to bring down the Evil Empire?
What she needs is a war of her own -- at least a front. I suggest that the CIA give her Yemen. Leading commando raids would be a great resume helper. She can also fly helicopter missions and shoot insurgents Alaska style. She needs to be in the field in the real world. It won't do any good having her at the Sanaa UPS going diva on the employees for helping the terrorists with the package bombs or having her complaining that there isn't any good shopping or restaurants. The liberal press can be vicious!
Sarah Palin needs to be in the field in some battle outfit that fills the angry male tea partiers with lust! She needs a drone with a saddle on it to ride into the village square where she will dismount and start eviscerating Jihadis with a big Alaskan knife. The CIA could stage all of this. Round up (renditions) young men who aren't very physical, drug them and set them loose in the square just before Palin lands, a running of the Jihadis.
First she could work Yemen, then move on to the Tribal regions of Pakistan with the mountains as a video back drop. There is a much higher degree of difficulty there and FOX would have to rely more on the CIA for video.
For some of the scenes a stunt double would be appropriate, like straddling the drone in safari shorts and muscle shirt with John 3:16 on the back. We would needs lots of muscle for the hard body wing of the Tea Party
Remember Slim Pickens riding a nuclear warhead on its way to Russia!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Religious and the Golden Gate Bridge
Why do the Religious stand on a knoll and pose for a photo with the Golden Gate Bridge as a backdrop? What is the significance? I've seen a picture of a pope, bishop, rabbi, Buddhist nuns, Oral Roberts, Amie Simple McPherson, Dali Lama, several minor flarf poets and so on, all standing with the bridge behind them -- orange and on a bias as it docks on the Marin side of the bay.
Let's eliminate bridging as a metaphor, also bays, oceans and vistas. Let's eliminate photography and the need to be photographed or look at photography. Let's eliminate all religious doctrine that doesn't abandon itself when it has done its work in this very life.
(Written by guest religious bloggist who is visiting the Bay Area. He spent time walking on the Golden Gate Bridge)
Let's eliminate bridging as a metaphor, also bays, oceans and vistas. Let's eliminate photography and the need to be photographed or look at photography. Let's eliminate all religious doctrine that doesn't abandon itself when it has done its work in this very life.
(Written by guest religious bloggist who is visiting the Bay Area. He spent time walking on the Golden Gate Bridge)
Friday, November 5, 2010
International Flarf Festival
The blog is proud to announce the first International Flarf Festival. The Festival is in its planning stages. While the festival, prizes, invitees and corporate sponsors are in place, many of the other details of a festival are not.
A site has not been chosen. Many of the younger Flarf poets are lobbying for Argentina.
The theme of the festival is believed to be, Flarf as Praxis, is currently subject to strenuous and acrimonious debate.
This blog will announce the Festival dates as soon is the committee arrives at a decision. Stay with us.
A site has not been chosen. Many of the younger Flarf poets are lobbying for Argentina.
The theme of the festival is believed to be, Flarf as Praxis, is currently subject to strenuous and acrimonious debate.
This blog will announce the Festival dates as soon is the committee arrives at a decision. Stay with us.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
George Bush: Hurt Feelings
Sorry Mr. President. Sorry about yur feelings. You did, after all, ruin the economy (except for the wealthy! I know, that hurts yur feelings too), turn all of the Middle East, much of Africa and East Asian into a giant terrorist breeding ground to keep our farm boys busy for the rest of history. But there is freedom, somewhere. Where exactly? I forgot. I'm still in the spell yur freedom speeches. Like a third-place-junior-high essay contest, read to the class with attending parents. I love freedom.
My self esteem is much higher now, after yur eight years. I figure, if you can be president, any Bozo with the backing of powerful persons, I mean corporations, can be president.
As for the racism. Yeah, that's not easy to hear. Racism is disgusting. I don't know how to cheer you up. I guess I could buy two copies of yur book. But do I have to read both of them?
My self esteem is much higher now, after yur eight years. I figure, if you can be president, any Bozo with the backing of powerful persons, I mean corporations, can be president.
As for the racism. Yeah, that's not easy to hear. Racism is disgusting. I don't know how to cheer you up. I guess I could buy two copies of yur book. But do I have to read both of them?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Lindsay Lohan in Argentina
Lindsay Lohan will be the featured reader at the Flarf Festival in Argentina early next year. She has been working on a manuscript at Betty Ford with the full support of the staff. She is not believed to be a pure Flarf Poet. She draws on the tradition of confessional poets as well.
The details and scheduling of the Flarf Festival and Lindsay Lohan's participating will appear in this blog.
The details and scheduling of the Flarf Festival and Lindsay Lohan's participating will appear in this blog.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Doctors Phil and Laura
First, let me say that the two kind doctors solve human problems quickly and with characteristic tough love. What more could anyone ask for? I'm sure that with such analytic speed they bill out steeply, but a therapeutic success is the desired outcome is it not?
They do, however, need to be merged or put in the celebrity compactor. There is no intention on my part to titillate by having a beefy hermaphroditic outcome. The intention is a stewardship of celebrity so that it does not overrun and overuse its field.
The new celebrity psychologist will be either Dr. Philaura or Dr. Lauraphil or any other name that fits the outcome of the compaction.
They do, however, need to be merged or put in the celebrity compactor. There is no intention on my part to titillate by having a beefy hermaphroditic outcome. The intention is a stewardship of celebrity so that it does not overrun and overuse its field.
The new celebrity psychologist will be either Dr. Philaura or Dr. Lauraphil or any other name that fits the outcome of the compaction.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
CalArts Appreciation Day
If you don't know, CalArts is a small Homeopathic college located in the high desert in Southern California.
When the students are not working on a more holistic approach to health and the whole person, they often engage in fun activities. If you go to YouTube, you can see a CalArts project of a vast formation of tumbleweed snow men marching down the Grapevine simulating the Rapture.
CalArts' students have contributed to this blog. Years ago I was helped in their free clinic. In appreciation I've given them coveted blog pages that have recently appeared, apologies to paint fans.
When the students are not working on a more holistic approach to health and the whole person, they often engage in fun activities. If you go to YouTube, you can see a CalArts project of a vast formation of tumbleweed snow men marching down the Grapevine simulating the Rapture.
CalArts' students have contributed to this blog. Years ago I was helped in their free clinic. In appreciation I've given them coveted blog pages that have recently appeared, apologies to paint fans.
Nigerian Flarf Poets
The underground Nigerian Flarf community is about to become big internationally. I would say put your money on the Nigerians, but that would sound ironic.
Watch this blog for more on the Nigerians sending a strong contingent of Flarf Poets to Argentina, if in fact, the Flarf Festival is held there.
Watch this blog for more on the Nigerians sending a strong contingent of Flarf Poets to Argentina, if in fact, the Flarf Festival is held there.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Argentina Appreciation Day
Under construction.
Honestly, I haven't finish reading wikkopedia. I had to paint an apartment that took a long time. The client didn't like the color so I had to redo several rooms. The place smells funny. I'll try and have this done soon my Argentine fans.
New: There is talk of have the Flarf Festival in Argentina.
Honestly, I haven't finish reading wikkopedia. I had to paint an apartment that took a long time. The client didn't like the color so I had to redo several rooms. The place smells funny. I'll try and have this done soon my Argentine fans.
New: There is talk of have the Flarf Festival in Argentina.
Gold Leafing My Rancher
I was atop my tallest ladder in the fog or even clouds applying gold leaf to my cupola, when a figure appeared below on the driveway. It was all I could do to stay on the ladder and apply the leaf, but this fellow was on a mission. Did I live there? Yes, I did. He left some literature -- a single page -- on the door. He did not shuffle zombie-like, so I knew it wasn't a religious tract.
Later, when I came down to sit by the fire and have tea, I learned that Rocky (not his real name) was running for city council. It seems that Rocky wanted to promote the empty commercial space in town -- old, weather-beaten, commercial space. He wanted to promote it throughout the county.
How many tattoo and nail painting parlors, coffee houses, mom and pop business can one small town support? These are the kind of business that closed their doors in the last few years! Does Rocky think the venture capitol from other parts of the county are going to open up satellite offices with entry level employees sitting in Aeron chairs staring out the window at some house painter in his Diesel 450 Dodge buying something from the dollar store?
Later, when I came down to sit by the fire and have tea, I learned that Rocky (not his real name) was running for city council. It seems that Rocky wanted to promote the empty commercial space in town -- old, weather-beaten, commercial space. He wanted to promote it throughout the county.
How many tattoo and nail painting parlors, coffee houses, mom and pop business can one small town support? These are the kind of business that closed their doors in the last few years! Does Rocky think the venture capitol from other parts of the county are going to open up satellite offices with entry level employees sitting in Aeron chairs staring out the window at some house painter in his Diesel 450 Dodge buying something from the dollar store?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Who Needs Pimples (Not rhetorical!)
I was stuck in front of a TV and a young pop star exposed her pimpled face to sell pimple cream on an infomercial -- gross. The question, who needs pimples?, may be more important than we realize. Who does need pimples? Is the same answer that is appropriate for all diseases correct, no one really.
Would you wish pimples on your enemy? Do you want to see a heavily pimpled Senator confessing infidelity. His horrified wife at his side, also pimpled. Gossip enablers pimpled. The object of lust also pimpled.
The pimpled pop star is big! (I know her name.) She made a bratty remark about a male student when she returned to her high school to sing and show off her pimples. It may well be that pimples are her cause; she is principled about pimples. Pimples my well be underpoliticized. What do you think?
Would terrorists be able to work in the field if they were heavily pimpled? Suicide bombers would have to consider greeting their bevy of virgins with acne. I have no idea of the nature of free will, duty, choice in these heady matters. Could the virgins collectly say not tonight?
Would you wish pimples on your enemy? Do you want to see a heavily pimpled Senator confessing infidelity. His horrified wife at his side, also pimpled. Gossip enablers pimpled. The object of lust also pimpled.
The pimpled pop star is big! (I know her name.) She made a bratty remark about a male student when she returned to her high school to sing and show off her pimples. It may well be that pimples are her cause; she is principled about pimples. Pimples my well be underpoliticized. What do you think?
Would terrorists be able to work in the field if they were heavily pimpled? Suicide bombers would have to consider greeting their bevy of virgins with acne. I have no idea of the nature of free will, duty, choice in these heady matters. Could the virgins collectly say not tonight?
Nigerian Scammers
Hardly the only Scam artists on the scene.
Let me step out of my overalls and appear human for a moment. I, too, was scammed in Bombay in the early seventies. I let someone have my traveler's checks for a moment and they were gone, the scammer and the checks.
Not so fast. Months early in Tehran I'd signed for some traveler's checks to help someone move money out of the country, something like that. So there were financial laws in each country to protect the country's wealth.
So by the time I made it to India, I'd had experience helping locals move money. With the help of a hippie collaborator, we all went in a Taxi to see the scammer's brother who worked in a bank. The taxi stopped and the scammer "it will just take a minute" was off and did not return.
On a second trip to Bombay I saw the same scammer walking through town. What are the chances of that happening. No, I didn't confront him. I just enjoyed the one in a billion chance of seeing the same petty thief twice in one lifetime.
Let me step out of my overalls and appear human for a moment. I, too, was scammed in Bombay in the early seventies. I let someone have my traveler's checks for a moment and they were gone, the scammer and the checks.
Not so fast. Months early in Tehran I'd signed for some traveler's checks to help someone move money out of the country, something like that. So there were financial laws in each country to protect the country's wealth.
So by the time I made it to India, I'd had experience helping locals move money. With the help of a hippie collaborator, we all went in a Taxi to see the scammer's brother who worked in a bank. The taxi stopped and the scammer "it will just take a minute" was off and did not return.
On a second trip to Bombay I saw the same scammer walking through town. What are the chances of that happening. No, I didn't confront him. I just enjoyed the one in a billion chance of seeing the same petty thief twice in one lifetime.
Hand Sanitizer
Under what circumstances could a celebrity be known as Hand Sanitizer? What would it take? FOX or MSNBC? Could Hand Sanitizer replace Juan Williams? A mangled alternative type with piercings, amputations, tattoos, organs removed to near autopsy status groaning as a contribution to popular culture?
Sensum Essay Contest
"Stop at the bare sensum" is the subject of the essay contest.
The essay will explore the act of stopping at the bare sensum; not to exceed the bare sensum or other means of excess in thought, speech or deed. (Buddhists and friends of Buddhists are not allowed to enter this essay contest, but are encouraged to continue practicing."
The winning essay will be published in this blog, if I can figure out how to transfer the essay.
I'm especially hoping to hear from the following people: sociopathic bankers, Wall Street types, Hedge Fund managers, MBA candidates, old people on Medicare who are afraid of socialized medicine, the 400 pound woman who called Paramedics to lift her off her trailer floor in Nevada, Yankee fans, Nigerian Scammers and the oil Elite and house painters. Although everyone is welcome to enter the contest, I will favor the self-identifying aforementioned.
There is also a list of celebrities who would receive a favorable reading, but I'm tired of celebrities this week. The Lindsay Lohan stay at Betty Ford was difficult. I've monitored the situation and found it to be simply exhausting. My source was fired for arriving at work drunk. I did learn that Big Foot left in a private car --tinted windows. He had expressed the desire to travel to Nepal to see his cousins the Yeti. Believe what you will, a suggestion I make with considerably unease.
Denmark -- Land of the Rising Sensum
In Denmark each sensum rises and decays and the Danes are watching! The sensum does not go unnoticed. Congratulations Denmark on being the country most attentive to the sensum!
This may seem like a small and curious cultural practice, but it is not. What it is though, I can't say. It may be that the sensum sends the Danes on long fretful bike rides or is cause for all manner of behavior, but the Danes are there at the sensum's rising, like naturalists at the sun rise.
The Danes are also great essayists, although it is a private affair. Their beloved sensum is coyly incorporated in their essays covering such topics as Swedish Meatballs, is fjord a misspelling, where the Danes would practice reckless military adventures (after the U.S) if they could and the flatness of flat tires. These and many more topics -- many deliberately banal -- are hidden in Danish laptops as exercises in sensum identification. The average Dane writes 3.5 essays a month.
A note on the sensum essay contest: The corporate funding has not materialized. There have been feelers, but the sensum as a subject or cause is not perceived as enhancing the corporate image.
Qualified judges for the essays have not been found. While everyone can experience the sensum, not everyone has the training or has done the reflection necessary to select among the essays that are written by crackpots or minor thinkers. Obviously, I am not trained to judge.
The essay will explore the act of stopping at the bare sensum; not to exceed the bare sensum or other means of excess in thought, speech or deed. (Buddhists and friends of Buddhists are not allowed to enter this essay contest, but are encouraged to continue practicing."
The winning essay will be published in this blog, if I can figure out how to transfer the essay.
I'm especially hoping to hear from the following people: sociopathic bankers, Wall Street types, Hedge Fund managers, MBA candidates, old people on Medicare who are afraid of socialized medicine, the 400 pound woman who called Paramedics to lift her off her trailer floor in Nevada, Yankee fans, Nigerian Scammers and the oil Elite and house painters. Although everyone is welcome to enter the contest, I will favor the self-identifying aforementioned.
There is also a list of celebrities who would receive a favorable reading, but I'm tired of celebrities this week. The Lindsay Lohan stay at Betty Ford was difficult. I've monitored the situation and found it to be simply exhausting. My source was fired for arriving at work drunk. I did learn that Big Foot left in a private car --tinted windows. He had expressed the desire to travel to Nepal to see his cousins the Yeti. Believe what you will, a suggestion I make with considerably unease.
Denmark -- Land of the Rising Sensum
In Denmark each sensum rises and decays and the Danes are watching! The sensum does not go unnoticed. Congratulations Denmark on being the country most attentive to the sensum!
This may seem like a small and curious cultural practice, but it is not. What it is though, I can't say. It may be that the sensum sends the Danes on long fretful bike rides or is cause for all manner of behavior, but the Danes are there at the sensum's rising, like naturalists at the sun rise.
The Danes are also great essayists, although it is a private affair. Their beloved sensum is coyly incorporated in their essays covering such topics as Swedish Meatballs, is fjord a misspelling, where the Danes would practice reckless military adventures (after the U.S) if they could and the flatness of flat tires. These and many more topics -- many deliberately banal -- are hidden in Danish laptops as exercises in sensum identification. The average Dane writes 3.5 essays a month.
A note on the sensum essay contest: The corporate funding has not materialized. There have been feelers, but the sensum as a subject or cause is not perceived as enhancing the corporate image.
Qualified judges for the essays have not been found. While everyone can experience the sensum, not everyone has the training or has done the reflection necessary to select among the essays that are written by crackpots or minor thinkers. Obviously, I am not trained to judge.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Nigera Appreciation Day
Welcome Nigeria to our Virtual Hall of Appreciation. Had I money like the Nigerian oil elite, I would build a Hall of Appreciation for my many appreciations, but I do not have any oil money and my attempts to scam the Nigerian oil elite have not resulted in any financial gain. Enough politics.
Oh Nigeria - sung to the tune of Oh Canada -- we appreciate your great forests of balsa, pine, conifer, poplar, mdf, pulp pine, bamboo and olive. Sorry, the great Sequoia transplant experiment did not work. The underclass could have benefited from such a lumber income, usually the spoils of the military in third world countries.
Note: This blog offers the themes (and related themes) of Internet scamming -- scammers being educated and most likely disaffected -- and the oil elite, fat, violent and corrupt. What is their relationship? This blog offers this as a literary theme and PHD thesis. If there are novels or other literary treatments of this theme -- I'm to lazy to look it up -- by the way, what's the plural for requiem? -- I only ask for an acknowledgement.
Nigeria may you solve your oil crisis, stock your rivers and streams with plump fish, reforest where necessary, groom your public parks and for god sakes don't buy any textbooks from Texas. They think slavery was Club Med for three centuries!
Oh Nigeria - sung to the tune of Oh Canada -- we appreciate your great forests of balsa, pine, conifer, poplar, mdf, pulp pine, bamboo and olive. Sorry, the great Sequoia transplant experiment did not work. The underclass could have benefited from such a lumber income, usually the spoils of the military in third world countries.
Note: This blog offers the themes (and related themes) of Internet scamming -- scammers being educated and most likely disaffected -- and the oil elite, fat, violent and corrupt. What is their relationship? This blog offers this as a literary theme and PHD thesis. If there are novels or other literary treatments of this theme -- I'm to lazy to look it up -- by the way, what's the plural for requiem? -- I only ask for an acknowledgement.
Nigeria may you solve your oil crisis, stock your rivers and streams with plump fish, reforest where necessary, groom your public parks and for god sakes don't buy any textbooks from Texas. They think slavery was Club Med for three centuries!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Kim Kardashian Loves this Blog
Yes, she does read this blog regularly to balance her perspective on life. She particularly likes the early posts, which she is memorizing. I've told her that there are more important texts to memorize, but we all have our reasons.
Keep in touch. I'll have more Kardashian news. She promises to contribute posts in the near future. I know, everyone tweets and uses other means for instant communication. I like to think of messaging and information moving out into space in a immeasurable dispersal of sound and signs. What this signifies is not at this time known. (A composition funded by the largess of an arts grant. How European!) But I think it's good to expand the chatter model once and a while. Kisses all around.
Keep in touch. I'll have more Kardashian news. She promises to contribute posts in the near future. I know, everyone tweets and uses other means for instant communication. I like to think of messaging and information moving out into space in a immeasurable dispersal of sound and signs. What this signifies is not at this time known. (A composition funded by the largess of an arts grant. How European!) But I think it's good to expand the chatter model once and a while. Kisses all around.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Yankees Loose, Yankees Looooooooooooooose!
Spend a billion. Steal every one's 401k's and spend a trillion. Hedge fund us in to oblivion. We want New Yorkers to feel good about themselves!
After thought: Watch out! All the infantile NY bankers, stock brokers and Hedge
Fund psychos have taken off their baseball caps, put away their gloves and are ready to go after the average American with a vengance, like biblical plague. With an advance guard of Republican nutjobs on the prowl, diminishing the idea of the crack pot, their should be millions of Americans living in their cars before the end of 2011!
You can, though, go to your library and keep up with this blog.
After thought: Watch out! All the infantile NY bankers, stock brokers and Hedge
Fund psychos have taken off their baseball caps, put away their gloves and are ready to go after the average American with a vengance, like biblical plague. With an advance guard of Republican nutjobs on the prowl, diminishing the idea of the crack pot, their should be millions of Americans living in their cars before the end of 2011!
You can, though, go to your library and keep up with this blog.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Hour of Power
The Crystal Cathedral was always a strange mega church. I've never know what to say about it. I'm sure someone has rightly characterized the building and its exuberant pastor. (What kind of shelf life does exuberance have?)
Now they've run up a big tab and are filing bankruptcy. (No sex scandal, thank God!) Everyone in America has has trouble keeping their check books balanced and understanding the nature of credit -- it's borrowing.
The church ran up a big tab on live animals for Easter and Christmas? Donkeys, cows, goats, chickens, bunnies? Are they using animals from the Screen Actors Guild who work part time as waiters? Couldn't they rent some barnyard animals from Bakersfield. Have them driven down in a truck, moo, honk, gobble for the weekend, then back to the valley?
Are any luxury cars and jewelry going to be sold off to pay for the donkeys?
Now they've run up a big tab and are filing bankruptcy. (No sex scandal, thank God!) Everyone in America has has trouble keeping their check books balanced and understanding the nature of credit -- it's borrowing.
The church ran up a big tab on live animals for Easter and Christmas? Donkeys, cows, goats, chickens, bunnies? Are they using animals from the Screen Actors Guild who work part time as waiters? Couldn't they rent some barnyard animals from Bakersfield. Have them driven down in a truck, moo, honk, gobble for the weekend, then back to the valley?
Are any luxury cars and jewelry going to be sold off to pay for the donkeys?
Bulgaria Appreciation Day
Welcome Bulgaria into Pat's world of appreciation. We honor your bright beaches, tall rustic mountains, tea gardens and rolling and rumpled cabbage fields.
(Note: I didn't say dappled cabbage fields or peasants padding across the steppe, because I dislike both words. Dappled makes me think of a sunlit mule in a Faulkner novel. Everyone Tom, Dick and Harry pads across shag carpets, if not the steppes for chrissakes.)
The birthplace of many fine institutions, Bulgaria and its peaceful Black Sea neighbors are hereby appreciated. I will celebrate with a Beef Stroganoff and a fine white wine. I'm sure Black Sea fish would be better with the white wine, but they are probably radioactive. They'll make a comeback.
(Note: I didn't say dappled cabbage fields or peasants padding across the steppe, because I dislike both words. Dappled makes me think of a sunlit mule in a Faulkner novel. Everyone Tom, Dick and Harry pads across shag carpets, if not the steppes for chrissakes.)
The birthplace of many fine institutions, Bulgaria and its peaceful Black Sea neighbors are hereby appreciated. I will celebrate with a Beef Stroganoff and a fine white wine. I'm sure Black Sea fish would be better with the white wine, but they are probably radioactive. They'll make a comeback.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
If you listened carefully after the Judge's legal decision on the policy was made public, you could hear all of America's automatic weapons being cleaned and loaded. In the rumpus rooms and trailer parks across the Bible Belt, citizens were cleaning and loading of automatic weapons in numbers as uncountable as the grains of sand in the River Ganges. They were reading their Bibles in fear that vast Gay armies would land their helicopters and UFOs and surround the trailer park, the subdivision, the farm house and urban apartment.
The Gay armies are, obviously, after the weapons, the first edition Left Behind novels and the porn collections. They may even arrive in black uniforms to confuse the heavily armed Belters. Are they UN soldiers here for one-world-government? Aliens here for a good probe? Homosexuals spreading their agenda? (I'm writing this and I'm confused too! I mean, how could you tell? They could introduce themselves as cable guys or DSL installers and how the hell would anyone know until the Gay soldiers were taking away truckloads of firearms and porn!)
The Gay armies are, obviously, after the weapons, the first edition Left Behind novels and the porn collections. They may even arrive in black uniforms to confuse the heavily armed Belters. Are they UN soldiers here for one-world-government? Aliens here for a good probe? Homosexuals spreading their agenda? (I'm writing this and I'm confused too! I mean, how could you tell? They could introduce themselves as cable guys or DSL installers and how the hell would anyone know until the Gay soldiers were taking away truckloads of firearms and porn!)
China Appreciation Day
Congratulations China! You are my country of the day. Your history and cultural achievements are too long and too many for this blog. (Short attention spans!)
May your millions of cities thrive in clean air, water and sanitation.
Free Tibet! I'll bet millions of Chinese officials just went apoplectic. Let's practicing breathing for stress reduction and the higher goals of awakening. When you breath in, know that you are breathing in. When you breath out, know that you are breathing out. Notice the qualities of the breath, long, short, coarse, fine.
Set aside part of your day. The production of consumer goods (and the spending of that income) can wait an hour, don't you think?
Free Tibet! Taiwan has better golf curses! Now go practice breathing.
May your millions of cities thrive in clean air, water and sanitation.
Free Tibet! I'll bet millions of Chinese officials just went apoplectic. Let's practicing breathing for stress reduction and the higher goals of awakening. When you breath in, know that you are breathing in. When you breath out, know that you are breathing out. Notice the qualities of the breath, long, short, coarse, fine.
Set aside part of your day. The production of consumer goods (and the spending of that income) can wait an hour, don't you think?
Free Tibet! Taiwan has better golf curses! Now go practice breathing.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
SocialWhale Appreciation Day
SocialWhale is my new social media engine of the day. I've used it until there was blood on the keyboard. My coworkers had to drag me away from the computer and make me take a cold shower and have black coffee.
SocialWhale has replaced OneRiot as my new favorite. I will not have another social network appreciation day for weeks. I have so many comments to respond to that it will take that long for an infatuation to develop. I also have a crew to run, jobs to do, money to make.
SocialWhale has replaced OneRiot as my new favorite. I will not have another social network appreciation day for weeks. I have so many comments to respond to that it will take that long for an infatuation to develop. I also have a crew to run, jobs to do, money to make.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
OneRiot Appreciation Day
OneRiot is my network of choice should I choose to riot and network at the same time. I recommend everyone riot for fifteen minutes, then get out before you get hurt or arrested. That is enough rioting for one lifetime.
Also visit Uzbekistan Appreciation Day. See the Uzbecky scenery and hear the Uzbecky Tabernacle Choir on Youtube. Plan your vacation. They have OneRiot in Uzbekistan. It is available in almost all motels.
Come join me for a riot in Uzbekistan.
Also visit Uzbekistan Appreciation Day. See the Uzbecky scenery and hear the Uzbecky Tabernacle Choir on Youtube. Plan your vacation. They have OneRiot in Uzbekistan. It is available in almost all motels.
Come join me for a riot in Uzbekistan.
Uzbekistan Appreciation Day
Congratulations Uzbekistan! I've always admired your lofty mountains, firm steppe and sunny beaches. I've had many a glass of hooch on your splendid park benches admiring your local costumes and customs.
I heartily recommend a holiday in Uzbekistan!
I heartily recommend a holiday in Uzbekistan!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Wayne Rooney Rules
I have this recurring dream that starts with Rooney's amazing goal against Russia.
The dream moves quickly to a loud pub where Wayne Rooney, Mickey Rooney, Georgie Best and Georgie Jessel all sit at a table with cigars and booze. Fans bring drinks to the table. Georgie Jessel is telling a joke about three Irishmen and a Jew. He never gets to the punch line before the dream ends.
Does anyone know the punch line?
The dream moves quickly to a loud pub where Wayne Rooney, Mickey Rooney, Georgie Best and Georgie Jessel all sit at a table with cigars and booze. Fans bring drinks to the table. Georgie Jessel is telling a joke about three Irishmen and a Jew. He never gets to the punch line before the dream ends.
Does anyone know the punch line?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
France Appreciation Day
Congradulations France for your long and glorious history. Your are my country of the day.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Benjiman Moore Paint in Afghanistan
It is not secret that I would like to have a Benjamin Moore dealership in Afghanistan as soon as the conditions are right. As a businessman, of course, I would be amoral -- what else! I believe that the Aura line of paint would sell very well. It is expensive, even if I could get a price reduction from Ben Moore.
Aura is the right product line for Afghanistan. As we all know, it is a great paint for vibrant colors and for maintenance -- touch ups. If there is a country in need of maintenance, it is Afghanistan. There are thousands of damaged buildings which will eventually need paint.
In Taliban neighborhoods there will be special paint needs. Imagine the mess of meeting out justice -- the hands of a thief cut off or a beheading. After a stain blocking primer, Aura covers and blends perfectly without flashing!
Then there's drones, friends of all contractors.
Let's be honest. There's all those U.S. tax dollars thrown at any goon who speaks English and has valuable information. And don't forget the opium/hashish money! Billions! Lord, Lord, the paint would fly of the shelves!
Aura is the right product line for Afghanistan. As we all know, it is a great paint for vibrant colors and for maintenance -- touch ups. If there is a country in need of maintenance, it is Afghanistan. There are thousands of damaged buildings which will eventually need paint.
In Taliban neighborhoods there will be special paint needs. Imagine the mess of meeting out justice -- the hands of a thief cut off or a beheading. After a stain blocking primer, Aura covers and blends perfectly without flashing!
Then there's drones, friends of all contractors.
Let's be honest. There's all those U.S. tax dollars thrown at any goon who speaks English and has valuable information. And don't forget the opium/hashish money! Billions! Lord, Lord, the paint would fly of the shelves!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Lindsay Lohan and Big Foot (3)
According to my sources, there have been a number of developments. With Big Foot and Ms. Lohan on the premises, there have been a number of staff meetings discussing security arrangements as well as confidentiality and professionalism. Several security people have been hired for the duration of the Lohan Big Foot (also Bigfoot) stay.
Fortunately, the only reportage on Bigfoot at Betty Ford is from this Website.
I have also learned that Bigfoot left Betty Ford one evening and was seen wandering around Palm Desert. This is from a less reliable source, but it does underscore the psychologically delicate nature of his treatment.
My sources have also said that they are unsure if Ms. Lohan is fully participating in the program.
If she was the friend of Bigfoot and got him into Betty Ford, will she help get him back to the woods? What in fact is Bigfoot's future? Will he try to make money on being Bigfoot?
Fortunately, the only reportage on Bigfoot at Betty Ford is from this Website.
I have also learned that Bigfoot left Betty Ford one evening and was seen wandering around Palm Desert. This is from a less reliable source, but it does underscore the psychologically delicate nature of his treatment.
My sources have also said that they are unsure if Ms. Lohan is fully participating in the program.
If she was the friend of Bigfoot and got him into Betty Ford, will she help get him back to the woods? What in fact is Bigfoot's future? Will he try to make money on being Bigfoot?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Lindsay Lohan and Big Foot (2)
Sorry to have to use a celebrity name to draw attention to Big Foot. Not that Ms. Lohan doesn't have problems, but I've learned that the patients at Betty Ford do not want to use the bathroom that Big Foot uses. This has set back his rehab. His dominant issue is his "otherness." So when he's ostracized in this way, it can't possible be good for him.
Ms. Lohan and Big Foot are not in the same therapy groupings. This much I have learned from my sources.
Ms. Lohan and Big Foot are not in the same therapy groupings. This much I have learned from my sources.
Small Press Book Reviewing
A few years ago I reviewed a collection of stories. I liked the book very much and didn't know or want anything from the author, the latter may be unusual. Another few years passed -- I was out of the small press world -- and I received another collection of stories from the same author. I wasn't going to review it, but was I going to read it?
Several times I had the book in my hand ready to recycle it, but I couldn't. But I hadn't read it either. Yesterday, I thought, why not read it, you did like the first book. I looked at the book more closely, as someone who might read it. For the first time I saw my previous review blurbed on the back of the current book. I could hardly understand what I'd written.
Several times I had the book in my hand ready to recycle it, but I couldn't. But I hadn't read it either. Yesterday, I thought, why not read it, you did like the first book. I looked at the book more closely, as someone who might read it. For the first time I saw my previous review blurbed on the back of the current book. I could hardly understand what I'd written.
Social Whale Correction!
Social Whale does not sell polo shsirts. Please do not contact them with orders for shirts. I apologize to the company. I misunderstood my friend who has a polo shirt with a Social Whale logo on the breast. He did not buy the shirt from Social Whale.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Big Foot at Betty Ford
My sources will not tell me anything about Lindsay Lohan. They are more professional than I thought, which is as it should be. They did say, however, that Big Foot has checked in to the Clinic.
My sources told me that someone is paying for his treatment. I believe that Ms. Lohan is that recovery angel. I have also learned that Big Foot has a still at his Northwest digs. He also grew his own marijuana. So he was partying all the time. Somehow he met Ms. Lohan over a ping pong match at a hunting lodge and the story is unfolding.
My sources told me that someone is paying for his treatment. I believe that Ms. Lohan is that recovery angel. I have also learned that Big Foot has a still at his Northwest digs. He also grew his own marijuana. So he was partying all the time. Somehow he met Ms. Lohan over a ping pong match at a hunting lodge and the story is unfolding.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Social Whale
My friend buys all his polo shirts at Social Whale. They look good -- color, fit, etc. I'd buy there too, but I have too many, both clean and many more with paint of them. What would you expect.
Nice logo sown on the breast.
Nice logo sown on the breast.
Linsay Lohan and Big Foot
I have a grainy video of Ms. Lohan playing ping pong with
Bigfoot at some northwest lodge amid tall conifers. In the video they are laughing and playing spirited ping pong.
Suddenly, Bigfoot drops his paddle and runs off into the woods. Ms. Lohan gives chase but stops. A single tear runs down her face. I believe the video to be authentic and will realise it when I've been given clearancy by my legal team.
Bigfoot at some northwest lodge amid tall conifers. In the video they are laughing and playing spirited ping pong.
Suddenly, Bigfoot drops his paddle and runs off into the woods. Ms. Lohan gives chase but stops. A single tear runs down her face. I believe the video to be authentic and will realise it when I've been given clearancy by my legal team.
Lindsay Lohan Crying
I have sources in Betty Ford but they're not talking yet. Soon, though, I'll know if Ms. Lohan is sincere about changing her life or just wants to be a tabloid caricature.
I'm not so much interested in when and where she first cries, but is she making progress? Does she want to make progress? She will not always receive money from the fund that pays celebrities to act out and flirt with the criminal justice system. So, "watch out" is good advice, especially since she doesn't have family money like Paris Hilton. She could end up roommates with Kate Gooseflesh in some celebrity gone bad "rancher" in Valley and die in an earthquake.
I'm already bored with her antics and think her part in Titanic was highly overrated -- pouty mouth when the ship is going down!
I'm not so much interested in when and where she first cries, but is she making progress? Does she want to make progress? She will not always receive money from the fund that pays celebrities to act out and flirt with the criminal justice system. So, "watch out" is good advice, especially since she doesn't have family money like Paris Hilton. She could end up roommates with Kate Gooseflesh in some celebrity gone bad "rancher" in Valley and die in an earthquake.
I'm already bored with her antics and think her part in Titanic was highly overrated -- pouty mouth when the ship is going down!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Aging, Sickness and Death (Oh, Mirrors Too)
Many people remodel their bathrooms in middle age, even late middle age. There seems to be a biological clock that drives the need for mirrors. The clients also have old bathrooms and several decades of acquired capitol.
One of the main features of the middle-aged bathroom is the expansive mirrors -- even boundless mirrors. It is as if the face that has been lifted expands across the universe in a demonstration of some about-to-be-revealed demension.
Mirrors mirrowing mirrors is another common design idea. If the mirrors are not parallel, an infinite reflection slowly bends toward the horizon line. One's droopy bottom with celulite and its luner surface is drawn relentlesly toward a black hole.
Working around mirrors can be disconcerting if the workman accepts aging, sickness and death as the effect of mortality. It's been many years since I've painted in the nude.
One of the main features of the middle-aged bathroom is the expansive mirrors -- even boundless mirrors. It is as if the face that has been lifted expands across the universe in a demonstration of some about-to-be-revealed demension.
Mirrors mirrowing mirrors is another common design idea. If the mirrors are not parallel, an infinite reflection slowly bends toward the horizon line. One's droopy bottom with celulite and its luner surface is drawn relentlesly toward a black hole.
Working around mirrors can be disconcerting if the workman accepts aging, sickness and death as the effect of mortality. It's been many years since I've painted in the nude.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Hairy Irishman
Charles Dickens leased a house then had it remodeled. When the work was complete, he would write Bleak House. He made this observation during the remodel.
"Yesterday week, I saw a hairy Irishman cultivating mortar with spade-husbandry in the room I am to write in!"
I have often been the hairy Irishman in rooms practicing some form of husbandry while the client hung around with curiosity -- "that's what they do" -- or with the satisfaction of having one's property attended to as an extension of one self.
Unfortunately, no client has ever been great at anything -- least of all empathy for other human beings. They've just made or inherited money.
Hairy Irishmen who have worked for celebrities always come to the same conclusion --"asshole." A famous a journalist, a leftist, was such an asshole that his contractor had to punch him to bring him to his senses or just knock him down.
"Yesterday week, I saw a hairy Irishman cultivating mortar with spade-husbandry in the room I am to write in!"
I have often been the hairy Irishman in rooms practicing some form of husbandry while the client hung around with curiosity -- "that's what they do" -- or with the satisfaction of having one's property attended to as an extension of one self.
Unfortunately, no client has ever been great at anything -- least of all empathy for other human beings. They've just made or inherited money.
Hairy Irishmen who have worked for celebrities always come to the same conclusion --"asshole." A famous a journalist, a leftist, was such an asshole that his contractor had to punch him to bring him to his senses or just knock him down.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A Miracle
By the end of the week, I knew Seamus was different, but I didn't know how different until I sent him to the paint store for thinner.
"No need," he said. He took a bucket and filled it with water. It was lunch time so I didn't say anything. I let him put the bucket into a room and close the door.
At lunch he said he was going back to Ireland soon to become a priest. It's not often that a painter announces his decision to enter the priesthood at lunch. We cleaned up our language after that.
After lunch he handed me the bucket. It was now full of thinner. We took him out for drinks to celebrate his priesthood and I to celebrate his miracle. I tried it several times, but couldn't get thinner from water.
Later I heard that Seamus had gone to India and was living in the mountains above Rishikesh. He had not become a priest. He was studying with an Indian Guru. Let's hope he doesn't turn the Ganges into paint thinner.
"No need," he said. He took a bucket and filled it with water. It was lunch time so I didn't say anything. I let him put the bucket into a room and close the door.
At lunch he said he was going back to Ireland soon to become a priest. It's not often that a painter announces his decision to enter the priesthood at lunch. We cleaned up our language after that.
After lunch he handed me the bucket. It was now full of thinner. We took him out for drinks to celebrate his priesthood and I to celebrate his miracle. I tried it several times, but couldn't get thinner from water.
Later I heard that Seamus had gone to India and was living in the mountains above Rishikesh. He had not become a priest. He was studying with an Indian Guru. Let's hope he doesn't turn the Ganges into paint thinner.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Celebrity Compactor
There are too many celebrities. I have in mind the development of a compactor, like garbage compactors, that will merge, by force, celebrities. This merging should be done with some thought, although the compacting/merging criteria needs some input from medical ethicists.
(Imagine compacting two medical ethicists. What tie would prevail--bow or conventional or possibly a string tie like Colonel Sanders)
My first compaction would be Lindsay Lohan and Kate Gosselin. I admit, I haven't given much thought to the new celebrity as an outcome of such a compaction. I just think it is important that compaction get underway. It is in a sense, a second or third front of environmentalism and energy conservation.
Yes, I do believe that the world is overpopulated and that there is a human redundancy, most glaring in the category of the celebrity. But we could move on to politicians, billionaires, slum dwellers, etc. Compacting would not involve abortion or the distribution of condoms -- the bugaboos of conservatives.
Imagine Jimmy Swaggart and Oral Roberts compacted. Or to be fair, our President and Vice President.
(Imagine compacting two medical ethicists. What tie would prevail--bow or conventional or possibly a string tie like Colonel Sanders)
My first compaction would be Lindsay Lohan and Kate Gosselin. I admit, I haven't given much thought to the new celebrity as an outcome of such a compaction. I just think it is important that compaction get underway. It is in a sense, a second or third front of environmentalism and energy conservation.
Yes, I do believe that the world is overpopulated and that there is a human redundancy, most glaring in the category of the celebrity. But we could move on to politicians, billionaires, slum dwellers, etc. Compacting would not involve abortion or the distribution of condoms -- the bugaboos of conservatives.
Imagine Jimmy Swaggart and Oral Roberts compacted. Or to be fair, our President and Vice President.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Cop Killer
The man talks with animation about his holster. The holster is designed to prevent the gun user from shooting himself in the foot, even if he quickly draws his weapon in an emergency.
The man is slight, fastidious in a messaged T-shirt. He has a thinly cut mustache and clearly fusses over his hair. We are all standing near the roller coaster at an amusement park. He is talking to a large woman who is a good listener. As the cars race by overhead, he regrets not having been in the donut shop in Washington where the cops were shot by the violent felon. He would, he says, have had no hesitation in drawing his gun and shooting the felon, which would have saved the lives of the cops.
Should we hope that this citizen gets his chance to shoot a violent felon?
The man is slight, fastidious in a messaged T-shirt. He has a thinly cut mustache and clearly fusses over his hair. We are all standing near the roller coaster at an amusement park. He is talking to a large woman who is a good listener. As the cars race by overhead, he regrets not having been in the donut shop in Washington where the cops were shot by the violent felon. He would, he says, have had no hesitation in drawing his gun and shooting the felon, which would have saved the lives of the cops.
Should we hope that this citizen gets his chance to shoot a violent felon?
Friday, September 10, 2010
Koran Burning
Instead of not burning the Koran, let's burn all religious texts to ritualistically rid ourselves of violent clinging to belief. The burning would take place monthly for however long it takes for there to be a collective release from violent belief and action in all forms.
Some religions have a surplus of religious texts -- billions. Other religions have fewer copies. Have you ever seen the Buddhist Samytta Nikaya in a motel room drawer?
Religions with fewer texts would be allowed to use effigies.
Some religions have a surplus of religious texts -- billions. Other religions have fewer copies. Have you ever seen the Buddhist Samytta Nikaya in a motel room drawer?
Religions with fewer texts would be allowed to use effigies.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
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